Anxiety at 2 a.m.

Fact: I don't do very well with getting waken up in the middle of the night.  I will probably be a horrible mother because of this. 

Early this morning one of my adorable beagles woke me up at 2 a.m. because, apparently, he had to go to the bathroom.  I know, I know, he's quite the responsible dog for actually waking me up and not just relieving himself on the floor, but being startled awake out of a dead sleep kind of made me oblivious to this line of thinking.

Being the responsible pet owner that I am, I dragged myself out of bed, let the dogs out to do their business, and after about 10 minutes settled back into bed to hopefully get a few more hours of sleep.  But there was one tiny (and by tiny I mean big) obstacle standing in my way.  Suddenly, for no reason at all, I was incredibly anxious.  My mind was spinning, I was tossing and turning, and my body temperature was rising right along with my anxiety level.  Sleep could not have been farther away.

Why does every little facet of one's life seem so much more stressful in the early hours of the morning?  What is it about the middle of the night that makes all those buried worries suddenly rise to the surface?

With the help of some Seinfeld reruns, I was finally able to shut my mind down and get maybe an hour and a half more of sleep.  Once I was up and lacing up my shoes to get on the treadmill, I realized that I felt fine.  My stomach wasn't in knots, my head felt clear, and I thought I was somewhat ready to take on the day.  Why hadn't I felt this way a few hours ago?  Where was the clarity I so desperately needed as I lay in bed and watched the minutes on the clock continue to tick by?

This is nothing new for me.  I'm prone to anxiety first thing in the morning, and often any time I am woken up in the middle of the night.  I'm used to it by now, but lately.....lately I feel that my anxiety is becoming a bit too commonplace for my liking.  While this in itself has more than caught my attention, there's still something about the early morning hours that causes my mind to jump from one thing to the next, finding new things to worry about with each transition. 

And now?  I feel fine.  I feel more or less in control of everything I have going on, and more or less confident in my ability to handle everything to varying degrees of success.  It's easy for me to take this stance at 10:13 a.m., but turn the clock back about eight hours and I would be a complete mess.  A giant ball of anxiety.  Unable to stand up straight because of the tight knot continuing to twist in my stomach. 

All I can say is it's a good thing I have plenty of Seinfeld DVD's on hand.  If these late night anxiety sessions continue those reruns could be the only thing that save me.