On books I'm excited to read

If only there were more hours in the day for me to read.  Better yet, if only I could stay awake more hours each day to read!  Getting to work at 6:30 in the morning really takes its toll after awhile, so by the time evening rolls around and I can finally crack open a book I find that I'm only able to get through a few pages before my eyelids become overwhelmingly heavy.  Truly a sad state of affairs. 

But I am pushing onward, and so far this summer I've managed to put a dent in a number of great reads, although there are still so many out there that I can't wait to sink my teeth (eyes?) into.  New books, older books, I just want to sit in the sunshine, sip on a cold beverage, and devour them all.  Hence, my summer reading wishlist is outlined below.  Whether or not I have the time and the energy to make it through each listed title remains to be seen, but you better believe I'm going to give it my best try.  

Fifth Avenue, 5 a.m.: Audrey Hepburn, Breakfast at Tiffany's, and the Dawn of the Modern Woman--Sam Wasson

This one intrigued me because I love Audrey Hepburn and I love the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. As stated on Amazon.com--"In this meticulously researched gem of a book, Wasson delivers us from the penthouses of the Upper East Side to the pools of Beverly Hills, presenting Breakfast at Tiffany's as we have never seen it before—through the eyes of those who made it. Written with delicious prose and considerable wit, Fifth Avenue, 5 A.M. shines new light on a beloved film and its incomparable star."

Bring Up the Bodies--Hilary Mantel

Yet another book on the downfall and trial of Anne Boleyn, but I just can't get enough of the scandals that took place in the Tudor court.  This is actually the second book in a series about Thomas Cromwell, who was the chief minister to Henry VIII.  I suppose I should just go ahead and read the first book as well...

We Is Got Him: The Kidnapping That Changed America--Carrie Hagen

A story detailing the first kidnapping for ransom in America.  This book received great reviews for its historical detail, suspenseful pacing, and accurate portrayal of early America.  Being myself a lover of history and all things suspenseful, I figured this one was right up my alley.

Jamaica Inn--Daphne Du Maurier

One of Daphne Du Maurier's more popular titles, I can't wait to finally read this book.  Rebecca is one of my all-time favorites, so I have high hopes for this one as well.  Who wouldn't, after reading this description?--"The coachman tried to warn her away from the ruined, forbidding place on the rainswept Cornish coast. But young Mary Yellan chose instead to honor her mother's dying request that she join her frightened Aunt Patience and huge, hulking Uncle Joss Merlyn at Jamaica Inn. From her first glimpse on that raw November eve, she could sense the inn's dark power. But never did Mary dream that she would become hopelessly ensnared in the vile, villainous schemes being hatched within its crumbling walls -- or that a handsome, mysterious stranger would so incite her passions ... tempting her to love a man whom she dares not trust."  Ahhhhh!!!

Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir--Jenny Lawson

From the author of the wildly popular "The Bloggess" blog, I have read a sample of this book already and it was drop down roll around on the floor funny!  I can't wait to read the rest.

Doc: A Novel--Mary Doria Russell

A novel about Doc Holliday that goes beyond the character portrayed by Val Kilmer in Tombstone.  This book explores Doc's background, his relationship with "Kate," and his well-known friendship with Wyatt Earp.  I'm intrigued. 

Beautiful Ruins--Jess Walter 
Definitely sounds like this book has it all, and I have a feeling the characters in this novel are going to be rich, well-developed, and unforgettable.  Plus, parts of the novel are set on the warm, beautiful, sunny Italian coastline.  I can work with that.  

On meeting deadlines

I thrive on deadlines.  In fact, I am my most productive self when operating under a looming deadline.  If I think of something to do but don't give myself an end date upon which to complete the task, it can take weeks, maybe even months (dare I say years?) before said task gets accomplished.

I'm not trying to brag, but I don't think I have ever missed a deadline.  Perhaps I should clarify.....never missed an important deadline that would have somewhat detrimental consequences, such as for school or work.  Last weekend when I told myself I would have the bathroom cleaned before leaving for home on Saturday morning, well, let's just say that one fell by the wayside.  But when it comes to my days as a scholarly student and as a civil service employee, I have never had to ask for an extension on a paper or project, and even if I've had to go back and administer touch ups I still manage to deliver a product when it is requested.  No, I'm not Superwoman (technically), I just very much believe in the power of the deadline. 

Is this the way most people operate?  Are deadlines a motivating factor or do they cause panic and impede on the quality of one's work?  I recently started writing for our local newspaper as a volunteer columnist, and submitted my first article for publication on Monday afternoon.  Up until Saturday night I really didn't have a solid idea of what I was going to write about.  Not that I hadn't been thinking about it, I had a number of ideas floating around in my head, but Saturday night the light bulb clicked on and I finally knew exactly what to write.  So I jotted some notes and ideas, then Sunday afternoon I sat down and penned my article.  For me, just knowing that I needed to be ready to write something by Sunday helped me, mentally, in coming around to a decision about my topic.  I wasn't panicked or freaking out because I didn't have anything written yet, in fact I felt more calm because I knew when my time for this project would be up, meaning I didn't have the luxury of making a million excuses. 

Getting things done, and getting them done on time, is something that makes me happy.  I don't like being the person who is always late, forgetful, or can't be depended on to do something.  Giving myself deadlines and adhering to the deadlines that are assigned to me help in this endeavor.

Does a deadline help or hinder you in getting things done?  Do you work better under pressure or do you need unlimited time and space to be productive?      

Grandpa's Truck

The picture above is of my Grandpa's old 1967 Ford pickup truck, which is being used as a prop for the Big Daddy's BBQ comedy show currently playing at the Power House Theater in Walla Walla.  It's pretty amazing, really, how this old vehicle has been put to use.  The engine has been torn out along with many of the other parts, and they have positioned a projector inside the cab to play movies and video clips out in the lobby of the theater.  The truck, as you can see, is suspended up near the ceiling, and how exactly it is being held up I'm not quite sure, but whatever system they have in place seems to be working. 

My family and I went to see the show on opening night this past weekend and I must admit it kind of took my breath away when I first glimpsed the truck.  I hadn't laid eyes on it in probably more than five years and while I knew it was being used as a prop I had no idea where or how it was going to be used.  This definitely was not what I was expecting, but the creativity and ingeniousness behind the set up is something I just know my Grandpa would have appreciated.  

I actually wrote a short essay about Grandpa and his truck, which I have posted below.  Seeing his truck "back in action" so to speak brought back a lot of great memories, as did writing the below prose.  Sometimes it's nice to revisit the past, to delve into those childhood memories and think back on the people and places that made them so special.  It's something I think I need to do more often.

________________________________________________________________________

There’s a line from a country song that goes, “Where I grew up, we rode in trucks.”  Growing up on our family farm I can attest to the truth in that sentiment.  We all rode in trucks and of all different kinds.  Wheat trucks, pickup trucks, dilapidated work trucks, in all kinds of makes and models through the years.  A truck is synonymous to living in the country and for me, the best truck to ride in was always Grandpa’s truck.

It was never the prettiest truck on the road.  And it was never the quietest or the fastest.  But that unforgettable red and white 1967 Ford was always Grandpa’s truck, and as a child it brought me so much excitement to see that familiar vehicle driving slowly, always so slowly, down the Touchet River Road toward our house.  It was the truck of a working man, the truck of a farmer.  There was nothing fancy or even necessarily clean about the interior.  There was never an attempt to dress it up in any way, no reason to try and make it something it wasn’t.  It smelled of dust, of oil, of heat from the sun in the summertime.  These things stayed constant through the years, as constant as the image of Grandpa in the driver’s seat.    

I can still remember the warmth of the bench seat as I would slide into the cab, the hard slam of the door, then Grandpa walking around to the driver’s side.  I would swing my legs, admiring his collection of Chiquita banana stickers which covered the dash.  Stickers that were saved after countless years of eating home packed lunches.  Stickers that to anyone else were worthless.  Stickers that became a priceless memory for me because they found themselves on the dash of Grandpa’s truck.  The engine would rev to life, sometimes on the first try, and the drive, usually to Walla Walla, would commence.  I loved rolling down the window, letting the air rush in as we drove into town, watching Grandpa shift gears and maneuver the huge steering wheel.  When we ran out of things to say or just didn’t feel like talking over the engine, Grandpa would hum.  Sometimes the tunes were made up, but most of the time he repeated the lines to “Home on the Range,” the notes filling the space between us as the truck idled onward.

When the day came for the truck to retire it ended up on the farm, nestled out back amongst the old machinery and broke down farm equipment.  Sometimes I would take a walk, a pilgrimage of sorts, to visit the truck that had been such a fixture, an extension of my Grandpa for all those years.  It was the truck he would ride in with his pet poodle, Clarence, doing odd jobs around the farm.  It was the truck he used to drive out to the ranch all those years, and down to Touchet to take a picture of my sister and me every year on our first day of school.  For a moment I could almost see Grandpa in his dirty old jeans and worn work hat, strumming his fingers against the wheel as he hummed along to the tune that was playing along in his head.

Over the years I have rode in many trucks, but my favorite will always be that red and white Ford with the pipes sticking up off the front, years and years worth of banana stickers covering the dash.  The truck won’t be my favorite because of its speed, its looks, or its features, but because of those giddy moments at the front window when I would spot it coming down the road and think, “Grandpa’s here.”  The truck will be my favorite because of all those slow, warm rides into Walla Walla, with the summer air rushing through the windows and my Grandpa sitting beside me humming “Home on the Range.”

The truck will always be my favorite because of Grandpa.     

   

On stepping away from social media

I recently received an email from a volunteer letting me know that she was taking a sabbatical from social media.  No more Facebook, no more Twitter posts, no more connections on LinkedIn, she was stepping back for a year or two and focusing more on other things in her life.  I applaud her on this decision because for those of us who work and play in the world of social media, social networking, anything with the word "social" in front of it that takes place online, we know that it eats up a lot of our time. 

While I recently tested my ability to abstain from the time sucking world of Facebook, I only carried out this experiment over the course of one week.  One week compared to one year is child's play.  And while I made it through the week with my sanity still in tact (possibly more in tact that it was before), I am very much intrigued by the idea of stepping away from it all, from all the sites where I have built an online version of myself and instead focusing on the real world version of myself.....as well as the real world people in my life. 

The idea itself is a great one.  The idea put into practice can be somewhat daunting, simply because we now live in a world that thrives on these social media sites, and to no longer be an active participant makes it seem like you are going to miss out on so much, that you could in a sense be out of touch with the rest of the world. 

But here's a news flash for you.  The entire world is not on Facebook, or Twitter, or LinkedIn, or using Google+ or the hundreds of other sites out there intent on perma-linking us to each other.  I for one firmly believe I could survive in a world where I didn't log onto Facebook everyday, where I didn't spend who knows how many hours flipping through status updates and picture uploads.  I know I could do it, but I don't know if I want to willingly disconnect myself in such a way. 

I feel like I write about Facebook a lot, and it probably seems like I have a really negative attitude about the site.  But I honestly don't, I'm overall fascinated by the whole Facebook phenomenon and how it has altered the way we connect with people, how we communicate with people, and how it exists as this huge sub-culture with different norms and rules about what is and isn't acceptable.  I enjoy using Facebook for the most part, and I enjoy the convenience the site gives me for staying in touch with my friends and family.  But I also realize that at times Facebook is just too much.  There is simply too much to take in, too many things to get distracted by, and it becomes more of an excuse to waste time than to spend it doing something meaningful. 

If I didn't have access to Facebook, or chose not to have access to the site, what would I do if I wanted to wish someone a happy birthday, or congratulate them on the birth of their child?  What would I do if I just wanted to say hello?  Would I possibly resort to (*gasp*), picking up the phone or sending a card?  How very 20th century.  And what a way to bring some actual meaning back to the communications I have with people. 

I have read several articles on the topic of Facebook and happiness, and most have drawn the conclusion that Facebook could in fact be contributing to our unhappiness level.  Essentially, since posting on Facebook is a selective process and we can control what information is shared and kept private, we can in essence present the most perfect, optimistic, attractive representation of ourselves online, leaving out all the messy, complicated, and not very interesting stuff.  When we choose to post status updates we can exaggerate the greatness of what we are doing or feeling, we can choose to only post when we are doing something once-in-a-lifetime or overly exciting, and the pictures we choose to upload can show us living life to the fullest with our equally cool friends.  If you're sitting home alone on a Friday night feeling a bit bummed out and you log into Facebook and see all this stuff radiating from your News Feed, the last thing it's going to do is boost your happiness level. 

It's not enough for us to just be happy.  We want to be happier than everyone else.  Most of us (whether we admit to it or not) have the one upsmanship mentality where we always want to have the best story, the best house, the best car, basically the best anything over everyone else.  It sounds awful when you spell it out that way but try as we might we are all in competition, and sometimes Facebook does nothing but throw the proof in our face that we aren't one-upping half the people on our friends list.  This makes us feel a bit bad about ourselves.  

I suspect that while most people (myself included) say that keeping in touch with friends is the number one reason they use Facebook, another reason might also be to compare themselves, and their lives, to others who are using the site.  How do we stack up against our friends?  Are we taking as many fun trips as them?  Are we going out to cool restaurants and clubs as often as them?  Do we even have as many friends and comments on our Wall as they do?  Oh my gosh, look at all these pictures from their awesome trip to Europe!  Why am I not planning a cool trip to another country?  It's a downward spiral effect of negativity that is so unwarranted, so unnecessary, and so subconscious that we probably don't even realize we are doing it until we take the time to stop and think.  

And that's exactly what I have been doing.  Stopping and thinking.  And wondering if I would be both willing and able to turn my back on social media.  My Facebook fast definitely showed me that I don't need these sites in order to continue on my day-to-day life, both on a personal and professional level, and while sometimes the convenience of Facebook is too much to pass up I don't think I need to use the site nearly as often as I do.  Which is pretty much daily.  And by using I mean just scrolling through the News Feed multiple times a day.

In this day and age, would you be missing out on too much if you took a break from social media, or is this merely a deception we have put upon ourselves as an excuse for staying constantly connected?  Would your overall happiness increase considerably without these social website distractions, or is that simply in the eye of the beholder?  Let the pondering commence.     

Does distance makes the heart grow fonder?

Dean and I are blessed in that we have some truly amazing friends and family in our lives, and while we have a handful of local friends who live in the same town as us, the majority of our inner circle peeps live at least two hours away.  Some in entirely different states.  We've gotten used to this over the years because, well, frankly we don't have any other choice.  But just because we've gotten used to it doesn't mean we have to like it. 

We just spent the weekend with a group of friends in Seattle, including my sister, and driving home Sunday afternoon I definitely experienced a mixed bag of emotions.  For one I was slightly hungover, which I realize isn't an emotion but definitely contributed slightly to my state of mind, but on the whole I felt happy about the weekend and the people we got to spend it with.  Of course, I was also feeling a bit sad that we had to return home and leave some of our favorite people behind.

This is part of the whole adult life thing that gets on my nerves.  The fact that you can't always live close to your friends and family, the fact that life sometimes makes it hard for us to keep in close contact with the ones we hold near and dear (or should that be far and dear?) 

Dean and I are always talking about moving for one reason or another, and not just to be closer to certain people but also for ourselves, for a change, for a different phase of our lives.  And while I know it's something we are slightly serious about, I also know it's not something that would be done without a lot of serious thought, a lot of work, and a lot of really good reasons.  But hey, sometimes it's nice to just imagine moving as being totally easy and totally doable on short notice. 

While we make an effort to hang out with our good friends and family as often as we can, life sometimes gets in the way and makes trips more difficult if not impossible to carry out.  Sometimes you get so busy with other things you don't even notice how long it's been, but after awhile you realize it's been six months since you've gotten to see so and so, and don't have a free weekend for at least another few weeks, and how the hell did you go from seeing each other on a weekly basis to a twice a year basis (if you're lucky)? 

Of course, the one thing that distance forces us to do is really appreciate the time we do get to spend with our long-lost friends and family.  Even the most mundane evenings become great memories simply because they aren't going to happen every day.....at least not with certain people.

Sometimes, I guess it just gets frustrating.  Instant gratification is a hard desire to overcome, so it would be nice to always be able to see the people we want to see, right when we want to see them.  And as life continues to go on, as we start to venture into the worlds of parenthood and becoming professional movers and shakers, we want to be able to experience these things with the people in our lives who mean the most to us.  And it's during these times that we wish distance wasn't a factor.        

On being judgmental

It's hard not to judge, isn't it?  Hard not to evaluate a person, a situation, and make a decision on how we feel about it.  But there's a thin line between judging and perceiving, isn't there?  A thin line between evaluating to figure something out, and evaluating just for the sake of passing judgement. 

I think that judging is something we as humans come by naturally.  It's a part of our thought process, a part of how we distinguish what we like, what we don't like, what is acceptable, and what is beyond our limits.  Judging isn't always a bad thing, but most of the time we take it too far.  We judge before we know the facts, set our minds against something or someone, sometimes based on insignificant material. 

It's hard to not judge.  It truly is, and anyone who says different is probably fibbing just a tiny bit.  I have to remind myself all the time to keep an open mind.  To not pass judgement too soon, or at all, because as the good book says, do unto others as you would have done unto you.  And while it's true that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt at least one time, it's extremely difficult to always abide by this sentiment. 

A lot of it has to do with attitude.  When I'm tired or just generally in a bad mood, I can't help but be a tad more judgmental, a tad less open minded.  But if I'm feeling on top of the world I find I'm much more willing to think the best about things, to not be so quick to judge.  I'm assuming the rest of you out there are the same way.  Attitude determines so much, doesn't it?

The thing about being a judgmental person.....it's exhausting.  So much mental energy goes into that whole process and in the end you don't even achieve anything.  Some people can't help but judge.  They have to insert their opinion, their summation, into every situation whether it involves them or not.  We all know people like this.  Maybe at times we even are people like this.  But when you think about how much time, how much energy, is wasted on passing opinions that we often have no right to pass, you realize that your time would be better spent on other endeavors.

I try to keep an open mind.  I try to respect the ideas and decisions of others without writing them off because they might not necessarily agree with my viewpoint.  I try to do these things and still I find myself at times silently brooding, silently judging.  Why is it sometimes so hard to not judge?  Is a little bit of judgement okay, or is this a most major character flaw that we all share?

Once again I don't have answers.  I just wonder aloud and pose the questions, hoping that some kind of conclusion will present itself. 

#CelebrityProblems

I try to rise above the act of following celebrity gossip, celebrity affairs, or anything to do with celebrities in general.  But I'm only human and just can't help sometimes but to be sucked in to that world of gossip and best dressed lists.  Yes it's mindless and petty, but there are definitely worse ways one could spend their time. 

I happened upon an article today on the Huffington Post website that kind of gave me pause.  In said article, Kristen Stewart, the notorious female star of the Twilight movies, was essentially blasting her critics (of which there are many, apparently) for complaining how she doesn't look "perfect" in every picture that is taken of her, or that she doesn't open up in interviews and talk about her process for getting into character and reveal her acting secrets.  If you are so inclined, you can click here to view the article, which is more of a blurb, really.

Now, while I definitely know who Kristen Stewart is, I have never seen any of the Twilight movies so I can't speak to whether her acting abilities are top of the line and worth paying the small fortune it costs these days to go to the movies.  But I have noticed she seems catch a lot of flak for red carpet fashion choices and lack of personality (both on and off screen).  As a celebrity I assume all this comes with the territory.  People love you or they hate you.  Sometimes interchangeably.  But I was somewhat impressed by Stewart's response to her critics.....which was essentially "screw you."

Maybe it's easier to take that attitude when you have been lucky enough to star in a multimillion dollar movie franchise, I don't know.  But I found it refreshing that she doesn't really care if she doesn't look perfect in every photo that's taken of her, that she cares more about people perceiving her as honest rather than a beauty queen.  And while I realize she isn't the first starlet to utter these words, something about her curse laden quote and her comparison of the gossip mongers to "voracious, starving shit eaters" just added a level of sincerity.

And Stewart did not for one second endorse the celebrity lifestyle, in fact she says that nothing about it is desirable.  She also doesn't feel that every detail of her life or her acting process is the business of anyone else, stating that acting is like sex and should be done, not talked about. 

What an intriguing thought. 

Because this is what we do to actors, isn't it?  We make them celebrities and celebrate them for their fashion choices or their crazy antics at parties instead of for their so-called talent.  I'm not sympathizing, but I think Stewart is onto something, and I for one am giving her a big bravo for not playing into the whole celebrity song and dance.  She apparently wants to be recognized for her abilities as an actor, plain and simple, and I can respect that.

The information age and the world of the celebrity are a dangerous combination because we now have access to so much information about people we think we know simply because we see them on the cover of a magazine.  We crave details about every facet of their lives, and don't even care anymore about whether or not these details are true.  Honestly, it's pretty sickening, and while I don't necessarily feel sorry for these actors and celebrities (okay, I don't feel any sympathy whatsoever), it's hard not to be disgusted with the entire soap opera when you step back and really look at things.  Then again, maybe it's not the soap opera that is disgusting but instead the general public that has made the demand for information....all information....gimme, gimme, gimme.

Maybe Stewart's comments were made at the suggestion of a lowly PR rep, maybe they were hers alone, uncensored and off the cuff.  These days you can never be sure.  And while it remains to be seen how much truth was actually behind her words, so far she seems to be living up to the challenge of not being the cookie cutter movie star.  I mean, I guess if most of the critics and general public are criticizing you for not being what they want or what you should be, you must be doing something right.        

On dreams

To sleep perchance to dream.  Lately I've been doing a lot of that....the dreaming, not necessarily the sleeping.  I haven't gone through a bout of such heavy dreaming in quite a while, you know, the kind of dreams that just stick with you long after you are awake.  

Heavy dreaming is exhausting.  I wake up not feeling fully rested, and while none of the dreams I am having are necessarily "bad," I wake up feeling unsettled and just slightly left of center.  And that is what bothers me the most.....not what the dreams are actually about, but the feelings they leave me with. 

We've all had dreams like this before, the ones that seem so real you wake up thinking they actually happened.  But rarely have I had so many in such close succession.  Some of the dreams involve people I haven't seen or even thought of in years, which makes me wonder just what the hell is going on in my subconscious.  

That's the funny thing about dreams....all the things they can make you feel.  Most of the time we simply feel within the dream, and when we wake up we can almost remember the details but not in their entirety.  Then we come across those other dreams where we are still fuzzy on the details, but the overall feeling of the dream follows us around the rest of the day.  

Some people out there take dreams to heart, and while there might be nuggets of substantial meaning in some of these visions I suspect others are brought on by too much junk food before bed.  I don't doubt that dreams have a tendency to play out what is on our mind, what we are anticipating/dreading, the people we are thinking about.  But it's surprising when you wake up with an image, with a feeling, fresh in your mind that you had no idea was there in the first place. 

I'm hoping that my nights of heavy dreaming are ready to take a pause, and allow me get back to at least eight hours of restful slumber.  I have a hard enough time getting my mind to shut down so I can even fall asleep....I'm tired of having it run on full speed ahead while I'm not even conscious.