Family Values

Last week was Thanksgiving.  The holiday centered on a golden turkey with neverending side dishes, football, and eating until you're ready to pass out. 

And one other thing.

Family.

Thanksgiving is the kick-off to the holiday season.  A prelude to the magic that is Christmas and a step up in seriousness from Halloween.  Thanksgiving does not receive the same heavy commercialization as Christmas, in fact I believe advertising gurus nationwide have pretty much stricken Thanksgiving from their calendars altogether and just decided to move straight into Christmas promotions.  But Thanksgiving provides a day, a time, a moment, for us to come together with those we love and do what we should always do.

Give thanks.  Give love.  Feel blessed.  Make others feel blessed.

As I sat around the crowded dinner table passing dishes of mashed potatoes, cranberry salad, turkey, and asparagus salad, I took a moment to soak in the moment, the faces, the conversation, the smiles, the laughs.  I sat and said my own silent thanks.  

For family.  For tradition.  For being able to have such a special place to call home.  

While the holiday was not without the normal stresses, it was still a thing of imperfect perfection.  While we all were still mourning the loss of Grandpa, we found a kind of solace in sitting together, sharing stories and memories. 

There's something endearing about returning home to family.  To a home where members of the same family have gathered for generations.  

Family is one of those things that you come to appreciate more and more over time, for most of us a thing that grows better and better over time. 

Here's hoping you all found something wonderful to give thanks for on Thanksgiving.  

Home Improvement

I don’t think I am cut out for home improvement projects.


I have a tendency to get crabby when faced with set-backs, and more often than not I take out this crabbiness on my husband. Not because it’s his fault, but because he always seems to be in the immediate area. Trust me, it’s not the best strategy.


When we bought our house we did so with the knowledge that there would be many small and large projects to tackle. The house was built in 1971, something you could discern just by looking at the flooring, cabinetry, and wallpaper throughout the house. But we weren’t fazed. We were not intimidated by a little painting, a bit of tiling, and a whole mess of extremely unflattering light fixtures.


Over a year later and we have made significant strides. We have also spent a good chunk of change bringing our house into the present day, and no, we do not plan on figuring out exactly how much money has gone into the process….the total could very likely cause us heart failure.


I have done my fair share of work. Dean has done more, and my parents have probably done just as much as both of us. So we are all contributing. Making the house a home to reflect our style, our taste, and our personalities.


And I am ready for it to be done.


At first it was fun. It was exciting. It was breathing new life into a space in need of TLC. Now….it’s just work. And really, it has always been work. Not to mention a huge investment of our time, energy, and pocketbook. Now when setting out to tackle a new project I think to myself, Can’t we just hire someone?


Sometimes my husband will take this as a sign that I don’t think he can do certain elements of a project, which is absolutely not true. For me, it’s more about not having to be present when the work is taking place, and not having to witness any mistakes and deal with any problems. If someone else does the work, I just walk away for awhile, come back, and everything is exactly the way I wanted it.


It’s a very idealistic viewpoint and also a very lazy one. It’s also quite dangerous considering the fact that I should be concerned about keeping the costs of these projects down to a minimum.


I am well aware of the satisfaction that comes with doing a job yourself. I am also well aware of my own personality type and how not suited it is for home improvement jobs. I am a person who likes order, and neatness, and everything to be just-so. Home improvement does not fall into any of those categories. At least, not until the end of the project, and this sometimes does not happen for weeks or months. I am also the type who likes to get things done quickly. In my mind this is equivalent to being efficient. With home improvement it can mean skipped steps, messy work, and mistakes. Luckily, Dean is always there to make sure things are done right.


Do-it-yourself home projects are definitely character builders. They can test the fabric of your patience and your relationship. They can make you feel wonderful, and they can make you feel like crap. For us neat freaks out there, it’s a test of willpower to see how long we can go without running around the job site organizing tools, picking up clutter, and scrubbing down surfaces.


In conclusion, I am not against the do-it-yourself approach, simply anxious for the day when there won’t be so much to do.

Remembering

The art of remembrance is a sometimes fleeting endeavor. The human memory is not capable of keeping our entire lives on file, meaning that every encounter, feeling, and person we experience in our lives has the potential to be forgotten.



Forgotten.


It’s a frightening concept. To think the possibility exists that we might not remember something which at one time was important to us is enough to cause concern. Even more frightening is the notion that this same phenomenon applies to people.


I think we assume that if we care for someone a great deal it’s almost impossible that we would forget things about them. Maybe sometimes this is true, but it’s amazing how foggy one’s memory can become over the space of even a couple years. Certain things like the inflection of a voice, the way someone’s hands looked and felt, their favorite ice cream, all these things are ingredients, components of a real person. As we lose these recollections are we at the same time losing parts of the person? What enables us to remember certain elements over others?


Usually we are more inclined to remember things if they are tied to big moments in our lives. Big events such as graduations, weddings, anniversaries, these are things that might enable us to commit certain things to memory and keep them there. But once they are there, housed in our memories, we really don’t have any guarantee that they will always be there. My wedding was one of the biggest days of my life, and I couldn’t tell you half of the conversations I had that day, let alone who all I saw and hugged. However, I do remember the feelings I felt that day. I remember seeing Dean for the first time and my heart being so filled with happiness that I couldn’t even speak. I remember dancing with my grandfather to “Unforgettable,” laughing at his jokes and feeling so thankful that he was there to share the day with me. I remember driving away after the wedding, feeling the cool night breeze, and wondering if I would ever be able to stop smiling.


And maybe that’s the key. It’s not about details, or exact words, or even setting. It’s about feelings. Feelings can sometime paint a more vivid picture than words ever could. As people come and go in our lives, the extent of our memories will be based entirely upon the feelings we had while we were around them. Losing a loved one, whether it is a relative or a close friend, will more often than not bring us into a panic over our memories. How can we force ourselves to remember? How can we truly never forget someone? Whether or not there are answers to these questions, I think we should try and take the pressure off ourselves to have photographic memories. Certain things will stick and other won’t, that’s just a fact of life.


But the feelings will always linger. Of this we can take some comfort.