Remembering

The art of remembrance is a sometimes fleeting endeavor. The human memory is not capable of keeping our entire lives on file, meaning that every encounter, feeling, and person we experience in our lives has the potential to be forgotten.



Forgotten.


It’s a frightening concept. To think the possibility exists that we might not remember something which at one time was important to us is enough to cause concern. Even more frightening is the notion that this same phenomenon applies to people.


I think we assume that if we care for someone a great deal it’s almost impossible that we would forget things about them. Maybe sometimes this is true, but it’s amazing how foggy one’s memory can become over the space of even a couple years. Certain things like the inflection of a voice, the way someone’s hands looked and felt, their favorite ice cream, all these things are ingredients, components of a real person. As we lose these recollections are we at the same time losing parts of the person? What enables us to remember certain elements over others?


Usually we are more inclined to remember things if they are tied to big moments in our lives. Big events such as graduations, weddings, anniversaries, these are things that might enable us to commit certain things to memory and keep them there. But once they are there, housed in our memories, we really don’t have any guarantee that they will always be there. My wedding was one of the biggest days of my life, and I couldn’t tell you half of the conversations I had that day, let alone who all I saw and hugged. However, I do remember the feelings I felt that day. I remember seeing Dean for the first time and my heart being so filled with happiness that I couldn’t even speak. I remember dancing with my grandfather to “Unforgettable,” laughing at his jokes and feeling so thankful that he was there to share the day with me. I remember driving away after the wedding, feeling the cool night breeze, and wondering if I would ever be able to stop smiling.


And maybe that’s the key. It’s not about details, or exact words, or even setting. It’s about feelings. Feelings can sometime paint a more vivid picture than words ever could. As people come and go in our lives, the extent of our memories will be based entirely upon the feelings we had while we were around them. Losing a loved one, whether it is a relative or a close friend, will more often than not bring us into a panic over our memories. How can we force ourselves to remember? How can we truly never forget someone? Whether or not there are answers to these questions, I think we should try and take the pressure off ourselves to have photographic memories. Certain things will stick and other won’t, that’s just a fact of life.


But the feelings will always linger. Of this we can take some comfort.