Blah

I wasn't going to blog about this because it makes me feel like a whiny little child.  But since I can't get it off my mind I'm going to do it and just face the judgment which will inevitably follow.  

I'm feeling a bit blah right now.  I'm not necessarily sad and depressed, but I'm just not excited about anything.  I'm trying so hard to bombard myself with positive thoughts and little doses of inspiration but it's not working.  I'm also being very hard on myself about things, and feeling bad about situations I don't have a lot of control over.  

I just want to shake myself back to normalcy.  I just want to snap out of this and feel happy with everything because life on all fronts is actually going very well.  You know those people who complain about every little thing just because they like to complain?  That's what I feel like right now.  I also in a way feel like I'm being ungrateful.  I mean, who feels like this when there is nothing inherently wrong?

I'm one of those people who tries really, really hard to avoid bad moods.  And most of the time I'm pretty good at it.  But right now none of my regular methods are working.  I just can't trick myself into a good mood right now and I think I'm just going to have to ride this out until I a) figure out what the real problem is, or b) just snap out of it. 

I've been know to over analyze, to think a situation to death and take things a bit too seriously.  Sometimes, yes, it is hard for me to just lighten up.  Is this one of those times?  Am I making something out of nothing?

I guess time will tell.  In the meantime, I can only hope that something comes along to excite and motivate me.  A new project I can tackle that will somehow bring me back from this feeling of.....blah.   

On newspapers

We recently canceled our newspaper subscription.  It was a mutual decision between my husband and I, and at the time we felt certain we were doing the right thing.  As of late it seemed that neither one of us had the time or energy at the end of the day to leaf through the stories, which meant that my recycling bin was filling up with newspapers that often never even got unrolled.  I found that I was going online to get my news from a variety of different sources which seemed to suit me better seeing as how I spent most of my day in front of the computer.  But perhaps our biggest reason for not renewing our subscription was that we were less than satisfied with the content of the newspaper.  It’s not that we weren’t getting the skinny on local happenings; we just felt we were missing out on everything that was happening in, well, the rest of the world.  And yes, I know that most all newspapers around the country are in dire straits at the moment so I have been trying to set realistic expectations for our small little paper that serves two communities.

And so.  We are going on week two of no newspaper and I think I’m ready to throw in the towel. 

You know how when you have something you’re more inclined to complain about it, but once it’s gone you can’t help but feel withdrawals and realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought?  That’s kind of what I’m going through right now.

The newspaper used to be a staple in the lives of almost all Americans.  You would read the newspaper in the morning as you sat eating breakfast, or at night when you got home from work.  It was your source for televised sporting events, movie listings, and job advertisements.  The newspaper was kind of a catch-all for American society.  And now?

We have the beast known as the Internet.  More and more people are going online for news because they are already online for entertainment purposes, so it’s like two birds with one stone.  Plus you can access so much more online.  The New York Times, The Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly (admit it, we’re not solely checking out legitimate news sites).  This is not a new trend, it’s been in the works for quite some time and if you are involved in any way with the newspaper business you know that for a lot of papers it’s do or die time. 

But I digress.  No more than five minutes after I got off the phone with someone at the paper telling them that, sadly, I wouldn’t be renewing my subscription at this time, I wanted to call them right back and say that I made a terrible mistake.  I didn’t mean what I said, of course I still want to get the paper!  What was I thinking?  They must have been talking to someone impersonating me. 

Because the truth is boys and girls, even with all my level-headed reasoning for deciding not to renew, I miss my newspaper.  I miss having it sitting there on my coffee table, the front headline emblazoned across the page, just waiting for me to pick it up and start reading.  I like being able to hold the newspaper in my hand, to see the words on the page, with no pop ups or extra links to click in order to get to the story.  On the days when I did find time to read the paper, I found the process of skimming the stories to be relaxing.  I even enjoyed the sound of the pages as I would turn them. 

Okay, enough with the sentimental garbage.  Maybe I’m going through some kind of twisted guilt thing since I used to write for my college newspaper and feel that my recent lack of newspaper support is somehow a mortal strike against my character, or maybe I’m just too old fashioned to be satisfied with online news.  I’m a purist at heart.  And even with the flaws, I’ve decided that I simply cannot live without the daily thump on my door alerting me that my newspaper has arrived.  (Actually, in all honesty, I could do without the thump because they deliver our paper at like, 5 a.m., and sometimes that thump is so loud I wake up in a panic thinking something or someone is trying to get into my house, and by the time I realize it’s just the paper I’m too wired to fall back asleep, so….yea.  A little less thumping would be appreciated).

What about you?  Do you think Americans are giving up on the daily newspaper or will print journalism continue to survive in the coming years and decades? 

Are you happy or content?

I have so many moments throughout my day where I just stop what I'm doing and try to decide if I'm happy.  Does anyone else do this?  Happiness is so fleeting, I will literally feel euphoric and on top of the world one minute, then no more than a few seconds later I'm feeling just....blah. 

I battle with myself a lot on the matter of happiness vs. contentedness.  I think these two feelings are definitely related, and definitely share some overlap.  I can't really decide if one feeling is better than the other, but I do think it's extremely easy to mistake feeling content with being truly happy.

Now I suppose you're going to tell me that I have to put a definition on these terms.  A most impossible task, I'm afraid, but I'll do the next best thing and ramble on about the two until I reach some kind of random, possibly off the mark point.  

I think most of us are pretty good at figuring out what makes us happy, at defining certain places and people that bring us the most joy.  On the same end of the spectrum it's also easy for us to figure out those things, people, places in life that don't make us happy.  

Yes, it's easy.  Except when it's not. 

I think sometimes we talk ourselves into happiness.  Whether it's with certain people or situations, we rationalize away all the warning flags and somehow convince ourselves that we are, in fact, happy.  But why do we feel the need to do this?  Why is it sometimes so hard for us to admit that happiness eludes us, and that something needs to change?

I think this is where contentedness comes in, which I categorize as the middle ground between happiness and unhappiness.  I think it stems largely from being comfortable with something or someone, and when you are more or less satisfied yet still experience moments of slight panic and yearn for instant escape and reprieve.  Okay, maybe that's a tad dramatic.  But you get my point, right?  Contentedness is okay for awhile....until it's not. 

I think that sometimes, at least for myself, it can be hard for us to break out of our content states because to do so means taking a bit of a risk.  And taking a risk is often a very scary thing.  We lose our security blankets, our sense of familiarity, and failure becomes a very real possibility.  Besides, who out there likes to fail?  How does that in any way lead us to be happier?

What I've come to discover is happiness is something that must be worked toward.  It doesn't just happen on its own and it takes a lot of our own mental energy to make the leap from content to happy.  I struggle a lot in my own life with deciphering between these two states, and even when I know I should make a change and take a chance to better my situation, it's sometimes very hard to take that leap.  I also did not mean to suggest by this post that I am inherently unhappy with my life, but I am working to evaluate things more and trying to force myself to take the steps necessary for some of the things I truly want.  


The picture which accompanies this post is also entirely appropriate because lets face it, dogs know a thing or two about happiness and life's simple pleasures.  Plus, whenever my two beagles do the head tilt similar to the one pictured above, those are moments that make me incredibly happy.