The value of time

On a daily basis I usually get the feeling that I don't have enough time.  The hours of the day will either rush or creep, but the end result is still the same.  

There just isn't enough time to do all the things I want to do.  

More and more in my life I have come to appreciate the value of time, and having more of it at my disposal.  A day off from work means hours of endless possibilities, where I will finally have the chance to accomplish all those things I am always putting off, saving for a rainy day if you will.  A weekend with no set plans means two days of freedom to lounge around and read a book, or tackle a time consuming (and scary) home project such as cleaning out my closets.  

Just having the option of time is a luxury I no longer take for granted.  Because what I have found to be true, especially since entering the world of working full-time, is that things come up.  Responsibilities are always looming.  And sometimes whether you like it or not, your work follows you home. 

I encourage all of us to embrace the hours that belong solely to us.  To view the free time we have earned as an opportunity, an adventure, or a much needed escape.

The days of our lives are long, but the years are short (thank you, Gretchen Rubin).  And within those days that make up those years we have nothing but time.  Time to work, play, love, cry, and contemplate.  Time to plan, to dream, and to achieve.  There are some hours, some days, that may not belong entirely to us.  But for those hours and days that do, we would do ourselves a favor to embrace them.  To relish them. 

To live them.  


 

Small moments

Last night one of our beagles, Frank, was going through a bit of a stressful spell.  Pacing, panting, shaking, Dean and I were both concerned and unsure how to help him.  So we decided a walk might cheer him up.  It was 9 p.m., about 20 degrees outside, and the outside world was covered in snow and ice.  I couldn't think of anything I would rather do than take the boys for a stroll.

So we harnessed up the dogs, threw on several layers of clothing, and headed out into the night.  Our journey led us up to the high school softball fields, where the snow was deep and as of yet untouched and pristine.  

Then we were off.  Running through the fluffy whiteness, holding onto the leashes for dear life as our dogs dragged us helplessly along.  We finally stopped, gasping for breath, feeling the burn in our legs, and suddenly not feeling quite as cold as when we first started out.  But our small break was short lived, for soon the beagles caught a scent and we were once again off to the races.  Racing along behind the dogs, I laughed at the way their floppy ears flew back behind them as they ran, or how they had to hop like rabbits in order to navigate through the deep snow.   At our next stopping point Dean and I smiled at each other as the beagles buried their noses in the snow, sniffing at scents only their hyper active noses could detect.

It was a small moment, an easy moment.  Just one of many that will make up the larger portion of my life.  And it was a happy one. 

Sometimes it's easy for us to get caught up in the overall big picture of our lives.  We lose ourselves to big outcomes and huge events, forgetting that the entirety of our lives are made up of small moments, and it's only when we string all these moments together that we arrive at the huge end result. 

It's easy to forget, to dismiss, the small events in our lives.  The brief moments when we smile, laugh, or share a moment with someone special.  How often do we put on the blinders to times like this because we are too busy, too preoccupied with something bigger to appreciate what is going on right in front of us?   I feel like all to often we don't believe we will be happy until something big happens to us.  Until something truly monumental comes our way.  And yet it's the simple things, the daily and seemingly meaningless occurrences that will sometimes bring us the greatest happiness.

As we walked home last night from the softball field, covered in snow and rosy cheeked from the cold air, I knew this was one of those small moments.  Just another night, just another dog walk, but a moment filled with effortless happiness.

And by the time we returned home, Frank was back to normal.  Perhaps beagles are able to appreciate these moments as well.       

Oscar anticipation

So we meet again, Oscar weekend.  Confession time.....I kind of love the Oscars.  I do not usually get excited about awards shows, and throughout the course of the year this is the only one that I will dedicate four, sometimes five hours of my life to watching. 

And it is happening this weekend.

I don't know what it is.  I mean, every awards show has the whole red carpet style scene, but for some reason it's only really exciting for me when it's happening at the Oscars.  And while the Oscars still has the same usually awful and usually awkwardly executed teleprompter speeches, for some reason they don't annoy me nearly as much as on other shows.    

I have a feeling my love of movies has something to do with my excitement for the show.  And for those movies that truly give me a one-of-a-kind experience the first time I see them, I can't help but want them to be recognized for that achievement in some way.  I realize that probably sounds corny, but I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time I have written something borderline dorky. 

I also have a feeling that I am exactly the type of person the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences wants to watch the show.  Because I will watch the show and promptly set about making sure I see most all the movies that were nominated for awards (if I haven't already seen them).  Yep, I am a big sucker.  And yes, I am aware that a lot of really great movies have been known to slip under the Oscar radar but there isn't a whole lot I can do about that.  I don't use the Oscars as Bible on which movies are worth watching, but it's kind of nice to use as a starting point for a list of suggestions.  Sort of like using Oprah's book club for book recommendations. 

This year I have only seen three of the movies nominated in the Best Picture category.  "Black Swan," "Toy Story 3," and "The Kids are All Right."  I own "Inception" but haven't gotten around to watching it yet....might need to put that on the To-Do list before Sunday.  I'm definitely rooting for "Black Swan;" Natalie Portman totally rocked this movie, and since we all know I'm a fan of the darker themed genres this should explain my choice.  However, as much as I liked the movie I'm not quite sure it should or will win.  When I think of Best Picture Oscar winning movies I think of "Gone with the Wind," "Million Dollar Baby," "The Godfather," "Casablanca,"......the list could go on and on.  Just not sure if a movie about a psycho ballerina will make the cut.  And while we are on the subject, even though I haven't seen it, I refuse to believe that the movie "The Social Network" deserves to be in this category.  It's a movie about Facebook, people.  Give me a break. 

Many people snub the Oscars because they are tired of watching rich, beautiful movie stars pat themselves on the backs for being super awesome.  I admit, that is essentially what is at the core of all awards shows, including the Oscars.  But it's not just the shiny, glamorous people who are being congratulated.  It's also the fascinating stories that make these incredible movies.  I can definitely appreciate that concept. 

Oscar Sunday comes but once a year.  And I plan to give in to the glitz, glamor, and show off attitude of the entire affair.  Hooray for Hollywood! 
   

Sweet tooth

For the most part I consider myself to be a very healthy person.  I eat well, I exercise, and I generally have a low stress level which helps to maintain my mental health.  

But lately I have noticed something.  Well, a few things actually.  It started out with the realization that certain pairs of pants were fitting a bit tighter than they used to, and maybe it looked like I was a little bigger around the midsection than I had been back in the fall.  

No need to panic, I told myself.  It's just time to buckle down, stop eating junk, and hit the gym extra hard.  By the time spring hits I will be slim and trim. 

Weeks go by, I'm working out and not going back for seconds at dinner, and I'm eating an increased amount of fruit and veggies throughout the day.  But there is one itsy bitsy, teeny-weenie thing I have not been able to shake. 

My sweet tooth. 

Lord, do I love sugar.  And chocolate.  And frosting.  And ice cream.  The idea of giving up all these delicious concoctions is probably a good one, but tell me, would that kind of life even be worth living?  

To my credit, I usually will only indulge in sweets when dessert time rolls around.  Because let's face it, a small dish of cookies and cream ice cream is the perfect way to cap off one's day. Although this week I have been enjoying the leftover red velvet cake that my parent's conveniently left at my house after visiting for the weekend.  Trust me, it's worth the extra time at the gym to consume those delicious calories.  


And that brings me around to what is really on my mind.  What does it matter?  Any of it?  Aren't things like moving up a size in pants just a part of life?


I really don't feel like getting into the whole tirade of unrealistic body image and the impossible standards of beauty that exist in our society, because frankly I don't think there is anyone out there who is unaware of them.  And honestly, if looking like a supermodel requires eliminating all kinds of dessert foods from my life, I'm just not sure it's that important to me.

Losing weight has never been something I have excelled at.  For starters I've never really been "overweight," and I have always been very muscular, which is nice, but also means the scale reads heavier.  Dieting is torture for me, not that I've ever done it very long.  I love food, I love planning meals, and if I don't eat I get really cranky.  And while I realize dieting doesn't mean starving oneself, sometimes I need more than a rice cake as a snack in order to make it through the afternoon.

So where does this leave me?  Am I on a downward spiral, having sold my soul to devil's food cake and ice cream sundaes?  Does my desire to drop a few pounds mean I must also drop my sweet tooth once and for all?

I don't think it does.  I'm going to stick by the adage that all things in moderation are a-okay.  When it comes to choosing between skinny jeans and a brownie at lunch, the brownie is going to win almost every time.  Plus, I feel if I eliminated all desserts and yummy sugary goodness from my diet I could potentially suffer a mental breakdown.  The deprivation would drive me insane and Dean would come home from work one day to find me collapsed in the kitchen, empty containers of cookie dough ice cream and boxes of Oreos strewn all over the floor. Not a pretty picture. 

I feel life is too short to completely give up things that bring us happiness.  And food is a huge source of happiness for all of us....trust me, it's been scientifically proven.  And if eating a few more desserts means I have to run a few extra miles, I'll start putting that trade off into practice. 

Eventually.  

 

In anticipation of things to come....

I have posted before about anticipation.  About how the build up to something can raise our happiness level and help us to maintain a positive attitude.

The sun is shining today, the sky is a magnificent shade of blue, and I am now hopeful that spring is actually getting closer and not just a figment of my imagination.  I believe it is safe to say I am anticipating its arrival with open arms. 

With that in mind, I have decided to share a list of some other things I am currently anticipating, both with the arrival of spring and the progression of time in general.  

1. Margaret George's latest book, Elizabeth 1.  With George being my most favorite author of historical fiction, and Elizabeth being one of history's most captivating characters, I cannot wait for April 5th to arrive so I can begin enjoying what I am sure will be a truly fantastic book.
   
2. Karaoke Revolution: Glee.  What do I love to do?  That's right, sing.  What show do I absolutely love?  That's right, Glee.  I believe this one is pretty self-explanatory.
   
3. Running many, many miles outside.  I get kind of stir crazy if I have to exercise indoors for too long.  I like to be outdoors, which is why even though I am not a very effective long distance runner, I am still more than ready to lace up and start going for runs outside.  I can't wait to feel the heat of the sun beating down and take in the smells of warm grass, dirt, and outside air.  Ahhhh.....the elliptical machine has nothing on this.
   
4. Gardening.  Last spring/summer was my first attempt at being a legit gardener.  While I still have a ways to go, I am determined this year to step up my game and put in some effort to revolutionize my yard.  I have plans, people, and I am ready to dig my hands into the awful clay soil which inhabits my flower beds and make things grow.
   
5. Cannon Beach.  So I have awhile to wait on this one, but the second week in August I will disappear to what is perhaps my most favorite place in the entire world....Cannon Beach, Oregon.  I cannot wait to feel the heat of the sand on my bare feet, listen to the crashing waves, explore the tide pools around Haystack Rock, and take the beagles for long walks on the shore.
   
6. Barbecues and dinner outside.  Funny how a lot of these have to do with the weather.  In any case, when it does warm up and one doesn't need a ski parka just to go outside, Dean and I will both cook and eat our meals outside on the deck.  This is by far my favorite way to end the day.  Food just tastes better outside, with a sunset, and beagles down playing in the yard.
   
7. Second and third drafts.  I really used to hate finishing a story and then having to start on second, third, sometimes fourth drafts.  I'm a perfectionist, I like to get it right on the first try.  But since this is usually impossible, I have over the years come around the the idea that the draft phase of writing should be embraced, since it's only going to make the story stronger (hopefully).  Soon I will be ready to start on second drafts of two stories, and a third draft of another.  Excited to the max.
    
8. Spring release wine tasting.  I pretend to be a wino, because even though I do love wine I'm definitely not an expert by any stretch of the imagination.  But one does not have to be an expert to enjoy a good weekend of wine tasting, which is why this year I plan on being down in Walla Walla for spring release weekend.  Cute spring dress, even cuter shoes, yummy wine, and most likely dinner out on the town.  Yes please!               

How do you handle criticism?

Do you ever sometimes tell that common lie about loving constructive criticism?  The whole notion of criticizing involves finding fault and passing judgment on someone or something they did, so I'm going to weigh in right now and say this is not my favorite thing to experience.  Constructive criticism is supposed to offer a positive outcome, a chance to recognize errors and look at ways to improve them.  Essentially, if you can get through listening to someone rip you and something you have worked on apart, the end result will be that much more impressive. 

Okay, so maybe I'm taking this to the extreme.  Because most of us are really nice people who know how to criticize and suggest changes without being mean about it....right? 

I know perfection is impossible and I realize that a goal to be perfect is, to say the least, unattainable.  But by no means is that going to stop me from trying.  I like to think everything I do and everything I create is as perfect as it could possibly be.  However, this is probably quite far from the truth, even if I won't admit that to myself.  And it's not that I don't appreciate suggestions from others on how to improve and better myself or my work, it's just hard sometimes to separate non-offensive criticism from unnecessary criticism.  

I will go out of my way to avoid confrontations and to avoid listening to criticism.  Which in a way is ironic because if I am really able to make a go of this writing thing, that is exactly what I am going to have to deal with.  Because not everyone is going to love what I write, and not everyone is going to be ready to sing my praises.  When I used to write for my college newspaper I dreaded those instances when people would write letters to the editor about one of my columns.  I would walk around the entire day imagining people looking at me and thinking, "That's the girl who wrote that column the other day."  In reality, I doubt the majority of my peers even paid that close attention.  But once your words are in print, sometimes you just feel like you have a sign on your back. 

I try to be tough.  I will talk big and act like things don't bother me as much as they do.  But I am a habitual over-analyzer, and I over-think situations and comments all the time.  Hence, criticisms stick with me.  Outward I shrug, pretending to instantly recover and move on, while inside I feel the urge to run away and hide.  It's really a terrible cycle, which is why I will go to great lengths of avoidance. 

I realize I am probably not alone in feeling this way, and I know many an over-achiever who will break down at the idea that they did something wrong or forgot to do something altogether.  Some people will argue that these are the instances that make us stronger and help us to grow as people.  

In my mind, it just reinforces my original attitude of striving for perfection.  And yes, I'm well aware that this is nothing but a vicious cycle doomed to repeat until the end of time, or until I learn how to handle criticism in a less detrimental manner. 

Is this a learned trait, being able to listen to criticism and not internalize it?  Or are some people just not cut out to handle scrutiny?

Feel free to leave your thoughts below.  And please, be kind.     

Tuesday's office moment

"Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment at work is the day everyone harasses me as a joke."

Pam Beasley, "The Office"

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Anyone who works in an office setting has probably had to endure some of those oh-so-enjoyable mandatory training sessions on riveting topics such as what you are allowed to look at on your computer, what you can and can't buy with the company credit card, and everyone's favorite little gem....sexual harassment. 

It's one of those topics that is just ripe with low grade humor, and yet sadly is a situation that men and women experience all the time in the workplace. 

Today it was my turn to sit through sexual harassment training.  And as I sat there going through "hypothetical" situation of discrimination and harassment with our moderator, all I could think of was the sexual harassment episode of "The Office."  The inappropriate email forwards, Michael's infamous "that's what she said," the sexual harassment training video, Pam's mom coming to visit.....I seriously could have laughed out loud.  I know, I know, not my most mature moment. 

Part of me is afraid that sitcoms have officially ruined my ability to take anything serious, but deep down I don't feel that's the case.  

Because sitcoms like The Office are priceless in their ability to take something like working in a normal, oftentimes boring office setting, and expose the humor that lies just beneath the oh-so-mundane surface.  I'm not sitting here trying to argue that sexual harassment itself is a hilarious subject, but training on the subject will never be the same thanks to Steve Carell.  

It seems to me that sometimes you just need to take a break from the seriousness and professionalism that working in an office more or less implies.  For instance, in "Office Space," when Peter has to endure an onslaught of reminders when he fails to use the correct heading on his TPS report.  One would think this was literally a life or death situation.  (I realize both of these examples are based on television and movies, but they actually bear very similar resemblance to real world situations). 

In other words, sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself and the things you are supposed to take seriously because of where you work. 

Unnecessary guilt

I recently found myself in a situation where I asked an individual if they would like to go out for coffee, an invitation to which this other person promptly replied "Oh no, I don't drink coffee."

Okay, no big deal.  Not everyone does.  But the reply did not stop at a simple no.  Instead, this person had to elaborate further on all the reasons WHY they didn't drink coffee.  Again, not a big deal, everyone is entitled to an opinion.  But what I didn't appreciate was the way this explanation made me feel. 

Guilty. 

Because I for one DO like coffee.  And here I was listening to someone lay out reason after reason why coffee was bad, bad, bad.  Even worse, once this little tirade was completed I actually felt compelled to defend myself as a coffee drinker.  Suddenly I felt as if I were being exposed as a bad human being because I enjoy a caffeinated beverage first thing in the morning. 

This is just one example of many I can think of where I have felt unnecessary guilt.  I'm sure you know the kind.  Guilt that stems from something about yourself that another person doesn't agree with.  It's the most infuriating type of guilt because, quite frankly,  it's usually uncalled for. 

From an early age we are taught that we should feel comfortable in our own skin.  We should own our strengths and faults alike and not be ashamed or embarassed of how our traits, likes, and dislikes measure up to everyone else.  These are strong words, true and logical, and hard to put into practice.     

Because even though we are fully aware that we don't have to be like everyone else, as much as some say we should be, it's hard not to sometimes feel that urge to conform or hide certain things about ourselves to spare the reactions of others.  It's really an infuriating decision, but one that I know I am faced with time and time again.

Where does this guilt stem from, and why do we feel the need to defend ourselves against people who don't share our likes and dislikes?  Do we actually need solid reasoning in order to justify ourselves, or can we get by with "Just because" as a means of explanation?

I don't think this is something that happens overnight.  I think sometimes it can literally take a lifetime before we are completely comfortable with ourselves and don't feel the need to appear to be just like everyone else.

As for the guilt that will sometimes overcome us, I think in these cases practice makes perfect.  The only way we can truly be comfortable being ourselves, despite the mismatched opinions of others, is to practice being ourselves out in the open. 

What does this mean exactly?  Well, the next time I'm ordering lunch and the rest of the table chooses "just a salad," I think I will go ahead and get that plate of pasta whose description makes my mouth water.  

Sometimes practice can be a lot of fun.    

Click here to add as a friend

You're sitting at the bar having a great conversation with someone you just met.  This continues for upwards of 30 minutes until one of you pays your tab and commences with the standard "It was nice to meet you" departure speech.  Do you exchange phone numbers?  Email addresses?  Home addresses?  Work schedules?  No.  Instead you ask, "Are you on Facebook?"

You really have to be at least minorly ignorant to deny the fact that Facebook has completely changed the way we interact with each other.  For one thing, we're doing it all online.  Forget the telephone or actual face-to-face contact.  Just log into your account and you have instant access to hundreds, even thousands of friends with the click of a mouse.

Social media has created this other world existence for users.  You don't just talk to your friends anymore, you chat with them on Facebook.  You don't play board games aymore, you tend to your farm in Farmville.  And forget about sending birthday cards through the mail, just write a happy birthday message on someone's Wall.

However, the luxery of being able to create an existence in the online world is not without its awkward moments.  And I believe a lot of those awkward moments are created through the act of friending (God, Facebook even has its own vocabulary....)  

The first rule for making friends on Facebook: there are no rules.  You can literally befriend anyone you want even if you have never met them before.  Instant popularity right at your fingertips.  But what is one to do if a friend request is ignored or worse yet.....denied?

I really don't know of too many people who track their friend requests.  But I'm sure they're out there because deep down a lot of people are highly insecure and want, above all else, to be liked.  Using the logic of more friends on Facebook means I am super cool, they will send friend requests out like they're gong out of style.  But even if you don't fall into this obsessive friend collector category, do you still find yourself feeling slightly hurt when a friend request is ignored or denied?

I'm not going to act tough here, so I will admit to having felt a small sense of bitterness when this has happened to me.  It brings up a lot of questions about what should stay in the online world, and how much of the online world can be brought into our everyday interactions.  For instance, does one confront the individual about the friend request?  Should a joke be made out of the situation?  Or are you supposed to pretend like the friend request was never sent or at least never given a second thought?  Do friend requests live and die only on Facebook, never to be brough into the light of the real world?

Thank you, Facebook, for creating yet a whole new level of social awkwardness that we as humans are so not prepared to deal with.  I am not big on confrontation so, 9 times out of 10 I will go with the avoidance/denial route if I happen to see someone in person who has more or less rejected me online.  The idea of calling someone out because they have not admitted to liking me online makes me want to unfriend myself.    

But say you pass the test.  You send a friend request, the request is accepted, and your total number of friends continues its steady incline.  A couple months go by and you decide its time to reconnect with this person by browsing through their status updates and newly tagged photos.  You find their profile photo, click, and discover that this person has, for one reason or another, removed you from their friend list.  Ouch.  How can this be?  It's only been two months....where did you go wrong?      

Moral of the story:  if you cannot maintain an online "friendship" with a person, you can just forget about forming a genuine friendship with the person in real life.  If someone is not interested in getting to know the "online you" where interaction is completely optional and non-committal, there is no chance the relationship could survive without the buffer of the computer screen.