It's been over a month since I last posted, and to be perfectly honest I have thought about this blog maybe three or four times in that entire time span. I guess it's crossed my mind on several occasions to just throw in the towel and say goodbye to the entire blogging scene, but I also hate the idea of just quitting or giving up on something, even though I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to get out of writing this blog.
So here I sit. In the middle of another work week, quickly running out of steam, and I just get the feeling that I would like to write....something. I have written absolutely nothing the past month. I've barely had time to do laundry the past month. Each week has been a flurry of activity, lots of late nights, and more than one instance of waking up in the morning with knots in my stomach just thinking about all the things I have to get done. Through my blurry, sleep deprived eyes, I keep seeing the word "vacation" floating in front of me, taunting me with visions of sleeping in, staying up late, drinking in the early afternoon, and not responding to emails.
But I digress, as usual. Yes, things have been busy which naturally hampered my desire to try and keep up with the blogging, but I also realized that not posting entries every week wasn't having any kind of adverse effect on me. In other words, I wasn't missing it. But at times I would be struck with a thought, an idea, a pondering, and tell myself to remember it for later because it would make a good blog post. So I guess I haven't completely written this page off, in a manner of speaking.
I guess I just struggle with the lack of direction. I'm one of those people who likes to have an end result in sight, a goal of some sort to work towards. With this blog I don't have that, other than just writing for the sake of writing. I suppose there's nothing inherently wrong with that, other than the fact that I quickly lose my enthusiasm for the whole thing. There were times when coming up with something to post felt like more of a chore than something I actually felt like doing, and that's kind of when I knew it might be time to just take a break. Except apparently I took that as a sign to take a break from ALL writing, because as I mentioned above I have not been the most productive in the creative department this past month.
It's kind of funny in a way, because I can remember writing a post very similar to this last year at right around this same time. Maybe this is becoming part of my natural cycle now. And while I hate to be redundant and totally predictable, maybe this blog is just going to be something that floats in and out of my life and never becomes a total mainstay. Maybe when it comes to blogging certain times of the year are just going to work better than others, and I'll just have to allow myself those breaks when things get too busy to focus on writing. For some reason I can never completely convince myself that I need a break from anything, let alone give something up completely. Especially something that is wholly mine and that I have more or less committed myself to.
So here I am. Kind of back at the beginning, or maybe just starting a new chapter. It remains to be seen as to whether I'll try and hold myself to a certain number of posts per week, or if I will try and reign myself in to writing on a certain theme. I don't really see that last thing happening. While I normally love themes because they help give me some direction, I also don't want to confine myself.....you know, for the sake of creativity.
Okay, that's probably enough rambling for one day. I have to say it feels kind of good to have opened this outlet again, even if I'm not sure how often I'll be using it. All in good time, I suppose.
