On style (part deux)

A sense of style.  We all like to think we have it.  It's something we all crave in one way or another.  And because we are all individuals, style is different across the board.  

Personal style is something we develop over the course of our entire lives, something the changes from one period of our lives to the next, and something that we consciously or even unconsciously pick up from the people around us.  

But sometimes we find ourselves stuck.  Sometimes we find ourselves searching. 

It's not always easy to stick to something and it's even harder to stick to something when you're not sure if it fits the person you are.  Certain things come to us naturally, others not as much.  But how does one navigate when finding the perfect fit, the perfect niche, doesn't come so easy?

I'm not sure I could accurately describe my writing style if asked.  Sometimes I wander through the land of philosophical, other times I attempt to play the comedian.  There are moments when I strive to create poetry with my words, and yet I don't feel like I completely belong within a single one of these descriptions.  As a would-be writer I am by nature a constant reader.  I read the words that other bloggers and authors write and find my response to the writing differs depending upon the style.  So maybe it's not a question of defining my style, but defining the response I hope to elicit from the reader. 

But still I feel the need for definition.  My inner OCD persona feels aimless without some kind of label.

What is my writing style?  Do I already have a style and just not realize it?  Maybe it's harder to recognize the stylistic trends in our own work as opposed to when we are reading others. 

If you asked me what I want my writing style to be, again I'm not sure I would know how to respond.  I want it to be easy to relate to, honest, and thought provoking.  I want the message (if there is one) to shine through, and I want it to shine through in my own voice. 

Which brings me to wonder.....is that voice, that style, something that will come about on its own over time, or is it something I decide, a conscious choice that I can control? 

Much like fashion, my writing is influenced by my environment and the people around me, or better yet, the people I'm reading.  And in theory, one can "try on" different writing styles much like trying on a different outfit.  

But while one is aided with the help of a mirror when trying on clothes, how is one to tell when the writing style fit rights, or even looks good?

You know, after I graduated and was all hopped up on positivity because I had managed to graduate with two degrees, I thought that this whole writing thing would magically take off on its own and I wouldn't have to work the typical go to work everyday job for very long.  I saw myself writing during all my spare moments, sending out stories, and eventually turning this into a career.  My dream career.  What I decided a long time ago I really wanted to do. 

Fast forward five years and I'm not quite there yet.  I'm discovering that wanting something to happen and making it happen are a long way off on the reality spectrum, and that writing, even when you love to do it, is one of the hardest things in the world to actually do successfully.  Style or no style, it takes a lot of time and a lot more patience.  

So I'll continue to wander through this middle land and hope that my style makes itself visible, or perhaps I'll eventually become more comfortable jumping around from one to the next.  I'm a firm believer in keeping a wide variety of clothing choices at hand, so maybe my clothing style philosophy and my writing style will be in that way connected.    
     

On Camping

The great outdoors.  Is there anything else so wonderful?  The fresh air, the scenery, the feelings of long-sought isolation and being able to unwind in the serenity of nature.  

Am I waxing a tad too poetic?  For some, camping is the great escape.  The greatest summer activity ever.  For others, it's uncomfortable.  It's inconvenient.  It often means lack of cell service which can induce minor to full-fledged panic.  For some people.  I am not one of them.  

I love to camp.  Most of the time three nights is enough to last me until I'm ready to pack it up and go home, but overall camping is just plain wonderful.  Obviously all the reasons listed above make it the perfect mini vacation, but there is also a different mindset that comes with camping, and I'm not necessarily referring to feeling at one with nature.  

For instance, camping seems to evoke a feeling of timelessness.  Or better, the idea that the hours of the day don't really seem to matter.  When you're camping, it rarely ever matters what time it is so long as there is still light in the sky.  At night it's the same principle.  As long as the fire is still burning it doesn't really matter how late (or early) it might be.  Hours fade into each other and you can drift from one activity to the next without having to look at your watch or worry about having to be somewhere at a certain time.  You are camping.  You are exactly where you need to be and the time of day has absolutely no significance.  This is one of my favorite things about being away from clocks and computers and other devices intent on broadcasting the hours and telling me when and where I need to be at certain places.  I love not having to be anywhere and being able to exist without knowing the status of the hours and minutes.   Even when you are camping at a particular location that happens to have cell service or might be closely adjacent to civilization, there is still this feeling of isolation, of being away from it all.  I think this feeling ties in the with the timelessness and is perhaps my most favorite part of pitching a tent for a few days and pumping up the air mattress. 

Kind of on the same notion as the object of time, you wanna know something that goes great with camping?  Alcohol.  You wanna know what's fun to do as you're sitting around a roaring campfire?  Drink alcohol.  Now don't get all judgey wudgey on me but let's face it: camping and drinking make wonderful bedfellows. And it's almost like the rules of acceptable drinking times (if there is such a thing) go right out the window.  Hey, you're camping, you're not looking at the clock, if you want to crack open a beer at 11 a.m. that is your prerogative.  How are you going to know, anyway?  Time does not exist when camping (see paragraph above).  Most of the time I come home for camping trips totally burnt out on drinking.  Usually I tell myself it will be a long time before I once again feel the desire to indulge, let alone over-indulge.  Then the next weekend of camping rolls around and....well....it's hard to walk away from that big cooler with all those pretty bottles.  

Many of today's well-kept campgrounds offer guests the use of showers and flush toilets.  Quite the modern amenities and also much appreciated (especially the toilets).  I think it's great to have access to toilets and showers while you are "roughing it" in the great outdoors, but for me, I've never been a big fan of showering while camping.  Now, that being said, I'm a big fan of showers in general, sometimes taking two a day.  I love being clean and bath products are one of my compulsive shopping weaknesses.  But when I'm camping, I figure why bother?  With all the camp smoke, sleeping on the ground, and hiking through the woods the opportunities to get dirty are going to outnumber my chances of staying clean, so I just give in and commit myself to less than squeaky clean existence.  Most of the time swimming in the lake is as close as I get to bathing while camping and quite frankly, I love it.  Anytime I get the chance to dress casual (or downright scrubby) and not worry about putting on makeup is a gold start day in my book. 

Perhaps one of the funniest things about camping, in my opinion, is how we all seem to suddenly think that our food intake is about five times the size of what it is on a normal day.  Seriously kids, probably one of the only things I dislike about camping is the grocery shopping trip the night before leaving.  It is often very expensive and you usually end up bringing most of that food home with you because, shock and surprise, you did not eat everything.  So when you return home with all those leftover hamburger patties and hot dogs and it's all you've been eating for three days, the idea that you have to continue eating these delectable meat concoctions because you have so many leftover just doesn't sit well, or make them any easier to eat.  Now when camping with a group it's natural to assume that most food will be shared, which I think leads us to believe we should buy more of everything.  Sometimes this works out, sometimes you're left with three Ziploc bags full of watermelon slices and a giant bag of kettle corn flavored popcorn.  Just saying.

Love it or hate it, there are elements of the camping lifestyle that we all yearn for and need to indulge from time to time.  And the only downside of camping, from my personal experience, is getting home and realizing all the crap you piled in the back of the pickup has to be washed, emptied out, put away, reorganized, or all of the above.  Modern day camping kind of gives a new meaning to the term "over-packing".  Just saying.  

               

On owning a home

Dean and I are approaching the three year anniversary of the day we became homeowners.  It's kind of surreal because on the one hand I can't believe it's already been three years, and on the other hand I feel like it's been an eternity instead of only three years.  Quite the paradox, isn't it?

I remember the day we closed on the sale and went in to sign the papers.  It was a day of excitement, obviously, but also one heavily laced with nerves.  We were supposed to sign the papers bright and early at 9 a.m., so we both took the day off work because our plan was to sign the papers, get the keys, then immediately start moving our stuff over to the new homestead.  Well, 9 a.m. turned into noon, which then turned into 2 p.m., which turned into us sitting around twiddling our thumbs all day and worrying that the whole thing was going to fall through and dissolve into oblivion.  By the time we got to the title agency and were told everything was finally ready to be made official we were both so ready to get the whole thing over with we could hardly sit still. 

But sit still we did, and a couple hours later we had the keys to our house.  Walking inside for the first time as the official owners was kind of a trip.  It was also a bit daunting because, as I have mentioned before on this blog, we had a log of work to do in order to bring the house up to date.  

And here we are, three years and about a million gallons of paint later, and I'm definitely amazed at how far we've come.  I would probably also be a bit faint if I knew exactly how much money we had spent over these three years, but thankfully I haven't been keeping track of those numbers too closely.  Trust me, it would probably do more harm than good.

One thing that people don't tell you as you're preparing to buy a house is how your interests and priorities will drastically change.  Honestly, it's kind of amazing.  For instance, here are just a few of the things I have noticed about myself and Dean:

1. HGTV and the DIY Network are your stations of choice any time of day.

2. Home Depot officially becomes your shopping mecca.

3. Saving up for remodel projects becomes priority numero uno.

4. After three years of non-stop practice, we could probably open up a professional painting business.  No seriously.  We know how to paint.
 

5. Shopping for kitchen appliances becomes WAY more exciting than shopping for any other electronics.

6. Seemingly overnight, things like tile, grout color, and trim styles become.....interesting.

7. You kind of start to get into gardening.  And lawn care.  And cutting down trees.  And putting down patio pavers.  Weird.

8. You notice EVERYTHING about other houses when you are out driving around.  Like windows and garage doors and shingles and front door styles.


There's probably more that could be added to this list, but at the moment it's everything that comes to mind.  Home ownership has really been great so far, and we have learned a lot along the way, discovering that we are actually capable of being pretty handy when we need to be.  And while it seems like we are always in the middle of some kind of home project, I hope that one of these days we can just sit back, relax, and know that there is nothing else to be done.

Ha!  I'm such a comedian.         

On yellow jackets and panic episodes

The above words accurately describe what I do whenever I come into contact with a yellow jacket.  Or a wasp.  Or are the two interchangeable?  In my mind for the most part they are, so I'm not going to waste time squabbling over minor differences. 

I've had a developing fear of bees for quite a few years now.  Not sure where it stemmed from seeing as how I grew up in the country and bees of all kinds just came with the territory.  My dad grew alfalfa for awhile so we raised alkali bees, then of course we had honey bees and bumble bees that were always buzzing around, but lately it seems like the "nice" bees have been outnumbered and we are left with the awful, horrible, aggressive yellow jackets.  They build nests all over the place then take over the backyard (and the pool) making the terrain an all out war zone, a battle to the death, and for me, a panic induced situation. 

Don't ask me where my fear of bees came from because I can't tell you.  I've been stung numerous times growing up by both honey bees and yellow jackets so it's not like a bee sting is new territory for me.  Honestly, I dread hearing the buzzing sound they make more than I dread a sting.  How crazy is that?  No, pain isn't the motivator behind my fear, but the fear is there, and lately it has gotten out of hand.  My family makes fun of me and frankly gets annoyed with me at times because of the way I freak out when bees are in my close vicinity.  They give the same old song and dance about how if you just hold still and don't bother them they won't bother you.  Uh huh.  A likely story that I don't buy for a second.  I don't trust these flying demons and I'm sure as hell not going to hold still and let them invade my territory while I just stand there and take their vicious harassment.  Not to mention the fact that I can't stand still when a bee is close to me.  My flight response kicks in and all I can think to do is run away and as fast as I can.  

I'm not trying to be funny nor am I over exaggerating when I say that I am terrified of bees.  Last week I had our screen door open and a huge yellow jacket flew in the house.  Knowing of course that I couldn't just let the damn thing fly around while I hid in a closet, I grabbed the fly swatter and prepared to demolish the Satan-spawned agitator.  I had to wait him out a little bit until he finally landed on the window and I had a clear, open shot.  With shaking hands I inched closer and clobbered him to bits.  Then I hit him a few more times, you know, just to make sure.  Satisfied that he was dead I dropped the fly swatter and felt waves of nausea rolling through me.  I was short of breath, literally, almost gasping, and my hands were still shaking.  I went into my room and sat on the floor, trying to calm myself down.  My face felt hot and when I tried to stand up a couple minutes later I had a hard time keeping my knees from buckling.

You guys, I'm not exaggerating.  These are truly the symptoms I was exhibiting.

In the office where I work we don't have covers over our light fixtures, just cut out squares with the inside exposed where the bulbs hook up.  Now, either because I work in a building that used to be a cattle barn, or because there is a vent on the outside of the building directly by my office window, for some reason we get a large number of flies and other strange insects that make their way in through this outside vent, and enter our office via the open light fixtures.  Oh, you know what else make its way into our office?  You guessed it, yellow jackets.  I've killed about five already this week and it's only Tuesday.  I've gotten to the point where I just have to leave the room when I see one because I can't sit at my desk for fear it will dive bomb me from the ceiling.

Again, not joking.  I've asked before if we can please get light fixtures with covers to prevent flying insects from entering our workspace, but to no avail.  Is this something I just have to put up with?  Yellow jackets flying around my office, landing on my desk, staring at me from the light fixtures with a look in their eyes that says, "I'm coming for you.  Escape is futile."  I have a crick in my neck from staring up at the ceiling every two minutes and surveying the area to make sure no bees have infiltrated.  I couldn't even bring myself to Google "yellow jackets" when searching for a photo for this post.  That's how bad things have become.

I don't really know where I go from here.  But I've gotten to the point where full-on panic is what I experience whenever I encounter bees.  If this is something I can control I obviously don't know how.  I'm starting to have concerns for my mental well-being and I need to find a way to combat this phobia before things get much more out of hand.

But all things aside, I should NOT have to deal with yellow jackets in my office.  Outside is one thing, but I refuse to put up with them indoors.  And if they won't get me new light fixtures I guess I'll just have to take matters into my own hands.

But seriously, what do I do about my phobia?  Any tips or suggestions?  I've read about exposure techniques but I'm not sure that will work in my case.  I see that potentially driving me over the edge.....even more so than I already am.  HELP!   

Miscellany

I'm having a de-ja-vu.  I was just about to launch into a big ol' apology and explanation as to why I have been absent from my blog for the past month, then it dawned on me that I already went through that exact same tirade last year.  At this exact same time last year.  For the exact same reasons.  My life is literally repeating itself before my very eyes.  

So all excuses aside, I am back.  I am settling into summer mode which is something I have been looking forward to since about December.  I am working a 4/10 summer schedule which means I will always have a three day weekend (yay!) so that is going to make for some definite good times.  So far getting to work at 6:30 a.m. hasn't been too difficult for me, although the shorter lunch breaks have been kind of hard to get used to.  But I guess we all make sacrifices for the things we really want.  And I really want an extra day off each week.

Other stuff.....let's see.  Our big bathroom remodel is ALMOST DONE!  The room has been operational for a few weeks now and let me just say, it's awesome.  The jetted tub alone is worth all the set-backs and extra money we have had to spend.  Now we are just waiting on some back-ordered tile so the base trim and the accent tile around the vanity can get finished up.  Dean has really been a superstar with all the work he has done himself, which I'm pretty sure has been a lot more than he initially planned.  It feels so good to be basically done, and with the weather starting to slowly improve we are setting our sights to the outdoors and the never-ending list of projects we hope to tackle (and complete) in our backyard.

I know I've posted before about how this blog doesn't really seem to have a theme, a direction, an overall purpose.  This issue is back on my mind for some reason and in a way has kind of discouraged me from writing.....mainly because I'm not sure what I want to write about.  But theme or no theme, I feel the show must go on.  I feel an attachment, a commitment to this cyberspace.  So after being out of blog mode for a month I'm trying to make an effort to ease myself back into things, because while I haven't been blogging I also haven't been working on any of my creative writing, including a somewhat promising short story that I am a handful of pages away from finishing.  I've definitely been feeling a bit scattered lately, a bit short on time.  My to-do list continues to grow as I haven't done anything productive aside from going to work every day, so while I'm looking forward to getting back on track (and on schedule), I'm also looking forward to getting away.  

The season for weekend getaways is here and I'm ready to get out of town, get away from the computer, and go have some fun.

So in a nutshell, I'm back, and I hope that by returning to a more or less normal schedule I will also pick back up with my daily posts.  Time to exercise the writing bone because I feel like it's been WAY too long.