Friday wrap-up

I realize there isn't much to wrap up since I haven't posted anything in over a week, but just humor me okay?  The idea mill that is my brain hasn't come up with much in the way of brilliant blog posts, so here's just a brief outline of what's going on around these parts. 

• I'm breaking out of my normal trend of reading only one or two books at a time and am currently plowing my way through four, count 'em, FOUR decent length books.  At first I was only going to tackle three, but I got overly excited one day while browsing Amazon.com and treated myself to "The Greatest Generation" on my Kindle.  And of course in my excitement I wasn't going to wait to finish any of the other books until I started the new one, so.....here we are.  Things are moving right along so far, but I'm finding it hard to make significant progress with any of them because there are only so many hours in the day, and only so many that I can manage to keep my eyes open.
  
  
• Also a break from my normal routine, I've started watching documentaries while I exercise.  God, would you listen to me.  Reading?  Documentaries?  Are my nerdish tendencies shining through bright enough?  But for reals, I totally dig the docs, you guys.  And strangely enough, watching them while I run actually hold my attention better than a lot of other things.  Right now I am smack dab in the middle of a fantastic mini-series by Ken Burns called "The War," and it is the hands down best show about WWII I have ever watched.  I think I will cry when it's over, and not just out of joy because we're going to win the war.  It's totally legit, and I highly recommend. 
  
  
• Take m on a trip I wanna go somewhere......  Did you sing that sentence like I did in my head?  Because it sums up my feelings precisely.  I'm ready to go places, y'all, and I'm really getting amped up for May because the hubs and I are going to New Orleans for his sister's college graduation.  It will be good times for sure, and in the meantime I'm trying to come up with other fun activities for us to embark on.  I am beyond ready for some changes in scenery and would love to get away for the daily hustle and bustle for a bit.
  
  
• This time of year always makes me want to be out on the softball field.  I guess old habits die hard.  Lately when I've been taking my dogs out for a walk after work, we'll see the tail end of the high school team practicing, and I feel a pang of jealousy that I'm not out there with my glove.  I definitely love the game, but I also loved the friendships I made while playing, and how close you would be to your teammates by the end of the season.  My friends and I had some of our best moments together out on the softball field, and this time of year always brings up those memories for me.
  
  
• Speaking of being outside.....the hubs and I are working on our spring/summer outdoor improvement projects list for the casa.  On the handful of nice days we've had since the first of the month I've gotten my butt outside and went to work raking, cleaning out flower beds, and chopping down branches from the annoying pine trees that line the fence in our backyard.  It felt amaze-balls to be outdoors, in the fresh air, and not freezing my butt off. I am so ready to make that an everyday occurrence and can't wait to get started on beautifying our outdoor space.
  
  
• March Madness.  Enough said.  

A post filled with parentheses and a slightly obscured positivity pledge

I don't know these people.  They just looked like they were having fun.

I always assume that everyone in the world is having more fun with their life on a given day than I am.  Would that be considered a pessimist attitude?  I hate to think I've grown overly cynical before the age of 30, but it appears that's the road we're headed down.  Unless you choose to view cynicism as a good thing.  Hey, maybe I'm not a pessimist after all!

So after that stellar intro, let me also come out and say that I don't like to complain.  No, really, I don't.  That doesn't mean I don't do it on occasion (does every day count as an occasion?)  I find it somewhat draining, and I've probably posted about it numerous times before (and you're probably thinking to yourself, please don't babble on and on about it again....), but I'm officially conducting a self-led intervention because these past few weeks (months?) I have been complaining entirely too much. 

Honestly.  Because I would never be anything but honest on this blog that nobody reads (that's not pessimism, that's realism), I am driving myself crazy with the sheer force of my negative thinking.  I think part of it is due to the fact that I'm overdue for a vacation.  Like a real vacation, not a Friday off from work where you still check email every fifteen minutes just because you can (thanks for nothing, iPhone).  But I also think I'm going through a bit of a directionless period in my life right now, and that has also caused some unwarranted stress and anxiety.  Sometimes I wake up and feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day, and while I normally thrive on my routine and weekly schedule, lately it's been burning me out a bit.  Which leads to more complaining.  You see the vicious cycle, yes?

Anyway, there's really no point to this post so my apologies if you stopped by hoping for a dose of inspiration.  I'm using this as my public chastising.  As a reminder to myself to put on my big girl pants and get back to being positive, to focusing my energy on the happy, sunny, rainbow filled corners of my life and giving a big "F-YOU" to everything that makes me frown. 

And on a slightly random note, what the hell is up with all the parentheses in this post?  Crap.  That wasn't a positive statement, was it?  Okay, how about.....what the heck is going on with all these positively perfectly placed parentheses in this post?  I just love alliteration!  For some reason that sentence just makes me feel like I should be on an episode of Schoolhouse Rock.  If they still even make Schoolhouse Rock, which I'm pretty sure they don't.  Which is really a shame when you think about it, because that was such a clever way for kids to learn about nouns, conjunctions, the preamble to the Constitution.....

Did I mention I'm also sleep deprived?  I know, I hide it really well.      

Feel all the feelings

Sometimes it's hard to have feelings.  I think of it along the lines of that scientific rule which states for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  With sunshine comes rain, and so on and so forth.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm an emotional person.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and literally cannot watch those ASPCA commercials on TV because I am a hot mess by the time Sara McLaughlin finishes her touching melody about arms and angels, and all I know by the end is that I want to SAVE ALL THE ANIMALS!  

But I digress. 

On a slightly more serious note, February was an emotional month.  I had a lot of thoughts swimming around in my overactive think tank, some which I'm not quite ready to divulge to my three readers on cyberspace, but a lot of my thoughts were nostalgic in nature and had me missing people, places, things from my childhood, and a whole lot of stuff in-between.  I would be sitting at my desk and suddenly have this overwhelming urge to talk with my Grandma.  My mind would randomly flash back to family gatherings and I would start to miss those family members I don't get to see or talk with anymore.  I wasn't a walking sad sack, but I was definitely more vulnerable than usual. 

Most of the time, when I get to feeling this way, I do my best to stifle the emotions, to push the thoughts to the back of my mind and focus on other things.  And yet I'm not entirely sure this is the right thing to do.  Sometimes I think it's better to just let the feelings wash over you.  Not to necessarily wallow in grief because it isn't about being sad or upset.  It's about remembering.  About appreciating.  And yes, there is a bit of pain with the hurt of missing a person or persons, and that's okay.  But there's also a lot of joy in those memories, and once you allow yourself to get past the sadness, that joy is something that is worth revisiting. 

Sometimes I'm afraid that I romanticize my past, that I look back on things as being better than they used to be.  Do we all do that to a certain extent?  I'm sure this is true to some degree, but for the most part I feel I'm a pretty impartial judge to my past.  I remember the bad stuff, the painful stuff, and the pretty awesome stuff, each in its own right.  And with the remembering comes the feelings.  And while I don't want to be one of those people who is always looking back, sometimes it's not always a bad thing, not always something that needs to be tucked away.

Even though I am often ruled by my emotions, sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay to feel certain things, and to let myself go through those feelings in their entirety.  I can't be afraid to feel all my feelings.....sometimes it starts out kind of rough, but in the end it's usually for the best.  A strange lesson to have to learn, but an important one nonetheless.