Choices

My husband gets insanely irritated everytime we go through a fast food drive-through together.  Why you may ask?  Because I insist on examining the menu each and every time before placing my order.  Nine times out of 10 I will end up choosing the same meal I had the last five times we visited the eatery, but that is not the point.  The menu must be scrutinized because I would hate to think that I missed out on something fantastic all because I didn't take the time to look and see what was there.

Life is all about choices.  You heard that in all the speeches at your high school and college graduations, and it's touted in every self-help book, speech, and article that has ever been written.  I think about choices all the time, not just when I am sitting in the fast food drive through.  I think about past choices I have made, future choices I haven't made yet, and choices I will be forced to make as the day goes on.  Choices rule our lives, from the color of shoes we wear on a certain day to where we decide to buy a house, you can't escape the everyday necessity of having to pick a certain thing over another. 

So what drives us in our decision making process?  The answer is everything.  Maybe not everything all at once for every single decision, but there are a plethora of forces at work in our mind as we weigh the pros and cons of a given situation.  I think emotions are at any given time the hugest factor in our decision making.  How we feel about a situation or a person today could be vastly different tomorrow, therefore changing our overall decision.    

As we get older we become much more aware of the choices we make.  Where to attend college, when to get married, when to have kids, all pretty major life decisions, all usually preceded by much agonizing contemplation.  It is absolutely terrifying to think that you might choose the wrong thing.  What if the wrong choice can't be undone?  

Then there is also the fear of missing out.  Because let's face it, if you say yes to one thing you are also saying no to another.  As you are preparing to walk through one door, another one somewhere is closing.  Pretty soon you find yourself boxed in, choices made, and nowhere to go. 

I sometimes jokingly tell my husband that I'm going through my quarter-life crisis.  I'm married, we have a house, both have stable jobs, both are driving new cars, and we have two dogs.  Nice, huh?

It is nice, except that sometimes I can't help but ask myself if all the choices leading up to this life also closed off experiences that I'll someday look back and wish I had.  Should I have made the decision to jump into the work force right out of college instead of travelling and seeing the world first?  Does buying a house at a young age mean my husband and I have resigned ourselves to living in the same town for the next 30 years?  I think about these things and practically work myself into a panic at the thought that my life is already played out and decided. 

The more seemingly permanent choices we make, the harder it is for us to tell ourselves these choices can be re-made.  It takes a subconcious effort on our part to remind ourselves that these things are not forever, and that change is inevitable.  

I think it's important to contemplate choices, although from time to time we should also throw caution to the wind and jump into something new, forbidden, and unknown.  Whether good or bad, it's all a learning process.  And isn't that essentially what our lives are about?

When we are forced to make hard decisions and close certain doors, I think it's important for us only to close the doors....not lock them up forever.  Ultimately, we are the ones who tie ourselves to the things we like and dislike in our lives.  The effort to change is a conscious choice, sometimes one that is easier to avoid than confront head on.

I think the best thing to try and do when it comes to the choices we make is to not look back.  We have all made bad decisions before. Poor choices, spur of the moment gambles, call them what you will, but everyone has at one time or another strayed down a path they wish they hadn't.  I look back a lot, sometimes to times and situations that would probably be best forgotten. And I can't help but wonder, is this some kind of ongoing self-punishment, or am I trying to remind myself what I have learned from these not-so-great decisions?  How many times must a situation be examined before the lesson is truly learned?   

The best thing we can do after having made a choice is to look ahead.  Not behind.  Don't think about the doors we have temporarily closed, but think about the windows we can open on our chosen path.

I will continue to remind myself of this everyday.  And I will continue to study the menus at fast-food restaurants.  Old habits die hard.