Having played organized sports for years, I know quite a bit about being on a team. Teamwork is very big these days. Who knows, maybe it always has been and I just wasn't paying attention. But seriously, these days the concept of doing something alone is practically unheard of. From group projects to committees to team marathons, the togetherness factor is seen in almost every facet of our day-to-day lives.
I was thinking about teams this morning because I play on a co-ed softball team and am probably going to miss our game this weekend, which I'll admit makes me feel a tad guilty. The funny thing about it is that even though I generally have a good time at our games, I almost always find myself complaining about not wanting to go play once Sunday rolls around. But regardless of how lazy I'm feeling, I also am a firm believer in fulfilling one's commitments, which is why I always show up for the games unless of course I am out of town. My husband is the same way. He is definitely a man of his word and is by far one of the most dependable people I know. Most of the time this is a very endearing quality, and one which I hope gets passed down to our future offspring. I say most of the time because there are occasions when I wish he wouldn't commit himself to readily to other people's bidding......doesn't he know I want him around to do my bidding? Joke, joke. I promise I'm at least a little self-reliant.
But back to the whole team thing. I let my mind wander a bit on the subject and began pondering what exactly makes someone a good teammate. Is it someone who always shows up when they're supposed to, or does it go beyond the physical act of just being there? In sports, the guidelines of being a good teammate are pretty cut and dry. You show up, you give it your all, you encourage your teammates, and you always, always back each other up. I'm an outfielder in softball, so for the me this last point is a real stickler. When you're on a team, it becomes apparent pretty early on that your actions and decisions will not only impact you, but everyone else on your team as well. It can be hard for people to think outside of themselves as just individuals and instead contemplating the "greater good," but I've this concept play out oh so many times in oh so many ways. It's not just something coaches talk about to try and get everyone to like each other, it's straight up truth.
But we aren't just teammates in the athletic sense. Being in a marriage is very much akin to being on an organized team, you just don't usually have a coach guiding you along the way and helping you fine tune your skills. Nope, you have to take care of that all on your own. I often wonder if I'm a good teammate in my marriage. I feel like I am most of the time, but there are obviously areas that could use improvement (aren't there always?) For instance, I have a hard time accepting the fact that things aren't always going to be 50/50. Sometimes one person is just going to have to do more of something, or all of something, and it's not going to get "paid back" right away if ever. My thinking goes something like this: I cleaned the kitchen so you can work on the living room. I folded all the laundry so you can put it away. Tit for tat, right?
But then there are those instances when your husband goes to work all day, then does more work for his own business AFTER work, and doesn't get home until late in the evening, dirty and hungry and tired, and the last thing he wants to do let alone hear is, "Hi honey! I left all the laundry out for you to put away so if you could take care of that before you shower/eat/put up your aching feet/collapse into a heap on the living room floor that would be great!"
I have to remind myself sometimes that the split isn't always going to be even. There isn't always going to be a clear line of demarcation with an even set of responsibilities. And instead of complaining or going off on a tirade about how much the other person "owes you" for picking up the supposed slack, you just have to suck it up, do the work, and know it's all part of being part of the team.
There are so many intricate details to being in a marriage that it's hard to say if one thing is more important than the other, and maybe that has something to do with each individual relationship. But in my mind, much like in softball, there is a lot to be said for backing up your partner. A strong support, a person who is standing there behind you in case the ball goes between your legs, that's a pretty amazing thing to have. This can happen in so many different ways for any number of situations, but in order for it to work you have to get out of the "what's in it for me?" mindset. You have to not focus on yourself (individual), but instead on your partner (your teammate!) I know I struggle with this sometimes, as I'm sure we all do, because isn't it just in our nature to think about ourselves first and everyone else second? Or am I just completely selfish? It can be hard sometimes to just be there for someone, to not blatantly expect something in return, and to willingly make yourself available time and time again for constant, unwavering support.
But it's also a crucial aspect to being a good teammate. And because I'm a firm believer in beating a good metaphor to death, I will close with this sentiment. My husband and I have almost been married four years, which in terms of a lifetime together has barely gotten us through the first inning. Who knows, maybe we're still in warm-ups. But as I look at our relationship and how we've grown in our marriage in just this short amount of time, I like to think that we have the stamina and the mentality to really go the distance. We might have some breakdowns in our defense from time to time, but overall we are figuring out each others strengths and weaknesses, and the areas where we can each contribute a little more to make sure we have a winning season.
And from time to time, we can even pull through to find success in extra innings.
Boom. Metaphor.....destroyed.
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