Tomorrow is the beginning of my week off from work. Actually, it's nine days off of work, which to the average working person is the equivalent of an eternity. I've been taking time off here and there throughout the summer, but nine days in a row is by far going to be the longest stretch.
I don't know for certain yet how these next nine days are going to be spent, which is why I contemplated last week on condensing my time away and actually coming into work for a little bit next week. Believe it or not, I actually felt a tiny tinge of guilt for planning to be away so long when I didn't have any definite plans. I felt like since I was probably going to be in town anyway I should just come to work for a little bit so as not to fall behind on projects and events that are coming up. In my mind this seemed like the responsible thing to do.
You know what bothers me the most in the above paragraph? The fact that for a minute I actually felt guilty for planning to be away from work. Isn't that slightly jaded, the notion that I was momentarily guilty for wanting to have some time to myself and take a break from the daily grind?
I'm bothered by this guilty mindset and it troubles me that I felt this way, even for a minute. How many times have I preached about how important it is to step away from work, to take advantage of the "me" time, to not let work interfere with doing what you really want to do? I try to stand by these mantras but for some reason I have a hard time practicing what I preach.
Lately I've been way too plugged in. I'm checking emails at night, thinking about work before drifting off to sleep, worrying about things I have to do for events that are months and months in the future, my mind literally refuses to block out work thoughts. Some people might say that this means I'm really committed to what I do and that I care a lot about my work, but I for one know that isn't entirely the case. While there are parts of my job that I really do value there are definitely aspects I could do without, and regardless of how I feel about the work I do the fact remains that work should not be all I think about during my time off. I don't care how much you love your job, there has to be some separation somewhere.
So. I chose to keep my "vacation" scheduled. I decided that plans or no plans, I deserved the time away and I deserved to let myself unplug from work for awhile. I'm going to do my best and try to abstain from checking email during those nine days, which will be really difficult for me especially since it shows up instantly on my iPhone, meaning every time I look at my phone and see that little number above my inbox icon I will feel the urge to click in and read messages. But I feel like it's important for me to really make the most of this separation while I can, and checking email is just one more way for work to invade my thoughts during a time when I can and should be focusing my attentions elsewhere.
Maybe I dwell on this stuff too much. Maybe I read too much into the whole work vs. time off thing and just come off sounding like a whiner. If that's the case then so be it. I just can't handle the fact that I felt guilty for even a second about being away from the office. It doesn't sit well with me which tells me that taking this time away is probably exactly what I need to do.
Are there others out there who feel or have felt this way? Is this normal or am I being to neurotic for my own good?
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