On secrets

We all have secrets.  Big ones, small ones, everyday ones, and life-changing ones.  We keep these secrets from certain people and share them with others.  Sometimes we confide different secrets to different people and trust that they won't tell anyone else.  But some secrets we don't share with anyone.  Not our wives, husbands, parents, or best friends.  Some things we keep solely in our own minds to share with only ourselves.  Because once you share with another person, a secret really isn't a secret any more, is it?

Would you rather share a secret of your own or harbor one for someone else?  Are you one who loves to share or do you prefer instead to listen?  We pick and choose our confidants, our trustees, but there's never a guarantee that our confessions are safe.  Sometimes things slip, or are hinted at, and surely enough what started out as a secret soon becomes common knowledge.

I suppose it's different for every person, the process of deciding which secrets to tell and those to keep.  Sometimes this changes over time as we become more comfortable with ourselves or with the choices we've made.  Sometimes we never get there, and certain things are hidden forever.....for better or worse.

Do you have to know all a person's secrets in order to really know them?  Is that paramount in order to establish a real connection?  Or is it in fact good to have secrets, even from the people you love?  Haven't we all been in a situation where revealing too much did more harm than good?

I have a hard time keeping secrets.  Not other people's, but my own.  Having them makes me anxious, and big or small I find that I can't help but confide in someone.  Thankfully I know that I have an amazing confidant at my disposal just about every day.  And yet.....sometimes I will keep little, insignificant, tiny things to myself.  Sometimes I won't divulge the whole story or share all of my thoughts.  I don't do this for any reason other than the fact that I think sometimes all of us just want certain things for ourselves.  When you get married or even just get involved in a committed relationship with another person, it's very easy to get into the "we" mindset and everything that goes along with that.  Sometimes you feel like you are obligated to tell all, when in reality it's not always necessary.

I can't keep the big things to myself, or the stressful things, the aggravating issues, and even some of my biggest fears.  Those secrets I find hard to keep and ultimately I wind up spilling my guts.  But sometimes I find that it feels good to have select thoughts and observations that are mine and mine alone.  Married or not married, relationship or no relationship, I think we all feel this way about certain issues. 

Sometimes as good as it feels to confide, it can feel even better to stay silent.