On feeling magenta

My mood is slightly melancholy, slightly excited, and slightly.....off.  I don't quite have the words to describe it, but this is more or less an accurate portrayal:

"All kinds of feelings tumbling all over themselves.  Not quite blue, because you're not really sad, and although you're a bit jealous you wouldn't say you're green with envy.  And every now and then you realize you're kind of scared but you'd hardly call yourself yellow..."

In case you were wondering it was Blanche on the Golden Girls who delivered that memorable description.  She called it feeling magenta, because she hated feeling that way and she hated the color magenta.  Gotta love that, right?

I'd have to say that's the most accurate way to describe me right now. I think a lot of it has to do with transition into a new season.  Technically it’s still summer, but school is starting up again and with the hustle and bustle that comes along with fall it feels like the laid back attitude that encompasses summer break is quickly becoming a thing of the past.  For me, fall is go, go, go, can’t stop for a minute, don’t forget breathe, hope you make it out to the other side alive.  In other words, it’s busy.  And while I would much rather be busy and have things to do than be sitting around twiddling my thumbs, sometimes the amount of work and activities that come with the fall leads me to feeling negative rather than fulfilled.  It’s the whole switching of mindsets that has me off-put at the moment. 

Right now I am also dealing with the roller coaster of feelings and attitude changes about my current job.  I’ve been up and down for awhile now, and right now I find myself somewhere in between being happy with what I’m doing, and desperately seeking something new.  The thing is, I don’t know if a new job would change anything.  There is no guarantee, especially since the job I really want, independent free-lance writer, hasn’t shown up in the want-ads lately.  I know that the work I’m currently doing is not what I want to do forever.  There are aspects that I enjoy, but way too many that I don’t to say without a doubt that I’m content with doing this forever.  These up and down emotions are leaving me feeling restless, and wondering how long I stay content with where I’m at before contemplating a drastic change.

Maybe this is some kind of crossroads.  Is it time to make a decision to go one direction or the other?  But what are the directions?  See what I mean about all the feelings tumbling all over themselves?

I’m sure we all go through our magenta phases, some lasting longer than others.  Regardless of the length, the best thing to do is keep going forward and trying not to dwell on the things that can’t changed.  That’s a really after-school special sentiment, isn’t it?  But really, what other choice do we have?