On Sister Wives

Thanks to Netflix, I kind of became obsessed with the show Sister Wives.  Maybe obsessed is too strong a word.  Let’s just say I became heavily intrigued by the show, which follows the life of Kody Brown, his four wives, and their army of kids.  Okay, okay, there are only 16 kids, not quite an army.  Shame on me for exaggerating.  The Brown’s are modern day polygamists and they talk quite openly about their beliefs, about why they chose polygamy, about the pros and cons of the lifestyle, yada yada yada.  It’s reality TV, which we all know by now doesn’t even come close to showcasing reality, so one takes the show with a grain of salt.

I’m completely fascinated by the notion of polygamy and the men and especially women who choose that particular lifestyle.  It is hard for me to imagine myself being open to the concept of sharing my husband, in fact, who am I kidding, I would NEVER be okay with something like that.  I can’t imagine having Dean come up to me one day and saying, “I’m thinking about taking another wife.”  That’s weird, right?  How many women out there would be okay with something like that? 

Obviously at the root of polygamy is religion and the notion that living as a polygamist is the only way to get into Heaven, and that the more wives a man has the more holy he is, the more kids he produces shows he is doing his part to be bountiful and multiply.  This is a very loose interpretation and maybe there’s more to it than that, but overall I feel that is at least part of the argument for why polygamy is the way to go.

I wonder how happy a person can truly be in a lifestyle like this.  Only getting to spend time with your husband every three or four nights, depending on how many wives there are, pretty much being expected to pump out babies on a regular basis, and also pitch in to help raise a bunch of other kids that aren’t even yours.  Now, according to the wives on Sister Wives, it’s not like that at all.  In fact, they make the whole thing sound like a big sorority and girl’s only sleepover party.  But that’s not marriage.  That’s not building an intimate relationship with someone (i.e. your husband).  If every facet of your life has to be so scheduled, and quality time divided out in such small bits, how does that even come close to fulfilling a person’s emotional needs?  As a woman, when I think about having to structure my marriage in that way, I can’t imagine that I would ever feel completely happy and loved.  I can’t imagine you would ever feel entirely bonded to that other person, or that he in fact was entirely bonded to you.

I don’t want to sit here and persecute people for their religious beliefs, or for the way they choose to live their lives, but it’s hard for me to fully accept and understand this lifestyle.  Earlier I mentioned that Kody and his wives “together” had 16 children.  How close do you think any of those 16 children feel to their father?  How much one-on-one time do you think he really gets to spend with them?  Supposedly Kody has a job, then when he gets home he has four wives to tend to, and while I’m sure he gets to hang out with the kids a lot as a big group, that’s not really a surefire way to get to know each and every kid.  I would imagine a polygamist household is even tougher on the children for this very fact.

I’m sure modern day polygamy is a bit better than it used to be back with Brigham Young and Joseph Smith first preached the idea to their followers.  Stories circulated about men with over 50 wives, and women were more or less seen as possessions, married off to men old enough to be their father when they were barely 16 years old, sometimes even younger.  That’s probably a big part of how polygamy got such a bad rap.  But even though the Brown’s are doing their part to show the world that polygamy is a big ol’ party, I have a feeling they are the exception and not the rule.  It also makes you wonder how things really are when the cameras stop rolling.

While I would never in a million years agree to live this lifestyle, I am nonetheless fascinated by people who do.  And while I disagree with just about everything that comes out of Kody's mouth (the man is really quite obnoxious) I am totally hooked on watching this family.  Especially the wives.  Even though it's supposedly all about religion, I think a person also has to have some kind of unique mental aspect to buy into a lifestyle of this nature.  Especially if you are a woman.  I just can't imagine any woman waking up one morning and deciding she wants to share her husband with one, two, even three other people.  To have him MARRIED to these people.  This, I feel, takes a certain kind of personality.  And yet all the wives on the show seem to be quite different, so trying to find the common link (aside from the man they all married) is kind of tricky.  Again, one has to take reality TV with a grain of salt, but I can't help but try and get to the bottom of this pondering.

How about the rest of the ladies out there?  Think you could handle the polygamist lifestyle?  I'd love to hear some feedback on this, and if you haven't done so yet, check out the show on TLC.  I'm not guaranteeing quality entertainment, but I suppose it's entertainment of some kind. Now, comment away!