On Facebook and weddings

Because I am always open to reading about Facebook and other social media trends, I found this little list on MSN.com to be particularly interesting.  The list detailed 5 Ways Facebook Can Ruin Your Wedding.

While a few of the things were fairly obvious, such as the privacy of your bachelorette party photos being non-existent, I thought that number three on the list, "People assume they are invited to your wedding because you are Facebook friends," deserved some food for thought. 

I have written before about Facebook and friendships, but here again is another phenomenon in which we realize there are very big differences between our everyday friendships and our online ones.  First of all, I am wondering how many people out there would even jump to this crazy assumption.  Weddings are not only very intimate affairs, but they're also damned expensive ones.  I know that when Dean and I were planning for our nuptials we got a tad picky with the guest list in the interest of trying to keep our final catering bill to a minimum, and then there was the obvious fact that we only wanted close friends and family there with us to share our big day.  

I just think there has to be a huge disconnect somewhere if people equate Facebook friendships with automatic wedding invites.  And how totally ballsy to actually write on someone's wall and express that sentiment!  No, I don't have an actual example of this happening, but if it made the list you just know it has happened to someone.  

Here's thing.  Friendships in the social media world are really a thing of convenience.  I'm not saying you can't be great friends with someone you hardly ever get to see via Facebook, but for those people on your friends list you aren't really that close to, you can choose when to interact with them.  You don't feel the need to drop by their page every other day to write messages, or invite them to events and parties.  Even people you are connected to who might have been a bestie at one point in your life doesn't mean that being Facebook friends elevates your friendship to that same status. 

And the big thing to remember?  These interactions of convenience are usually ALWAYS taking place online.  In my opinion unless there is a real world, real time effort to maintain a connection with someone it probably isn't going to amount to much.  And in no way am I trying to downplay maintaining long distance friendships via Facebook.....but you definitely know the difference of importance in your relationship with a person you met at a work conference three years ago as opposed to your college roommate who lives on the other side of the country.

People who you make a point to call on the phone, to send real cards in the mail, to arrange to meet for dinner or coffee, these are more than likely the people who are going to get an invite to your wedding.  These are your "real world" friendships and they are the ones that mean the most.  So please, just because someone announces their engagement on Facebook do not make the mistake of interpreting that as an official invite to the party.  Unless you see it in the mail, it's all in your head.