On babies

Last weekend I went to a baby shower.  It was fairly typical as far as baby showers go, lots of ooo-ing and ahhhh-ing, baby games, and yummy cake with plenty of sugary sweet frosting.  Doesn't cake always manage to upgrade any situation from good to great?  In my opinion, yes, yes it does. 

Part of me was ready for what happened toward the end of the shower, and at the same time I was caught completely off guard.  I was saying my goodbyes, thinking ahead to the shopping spree I hoped to have at Macy's, when I was faced with the question that I'm guessing most married 20-something women encounter on a somewhat regular basis. 

"So, when are you guys going to have a baby?"

In my head I was trying to come up with a clever and supremely witty answer to the question.  Something that would come off as carefree and nonchalant, something that wouldn't show me as leaning toward wanting or not wanting a baby.  But in this instance, my mind failed me miserable and all I could do was stand there laughing, shrugging my shoulders and saying, "Oh, I don't know."

Yea, "I don't know" was the best I could come up with.  I could even feel a slight blush rising in my cheeks and the room suddenly felt incredibly warm, even though a few moments ago my hands were cold as ice.  I was, in an essence, tongue tied.   Is that a normal reaction?  I found myself feeling slightly exposed, on display, and I couldn't get out the front door quick enough. 

At some point this is a topic that every couple has to address: to procreate or not to procreate?  When do you make the jump from simply being married to becoming parents?  Oh, and here's a dilly of a pickle.....how is one ever able to answer these questions?

One thing I know for sure is that we do want to have kids....someday.  Of course, we also want to have a life with just each other for awhile before our names change from Carrie and Dean to Mommy and Daddy.  For the longest time I've been saying that I'm not ready to have a baby; that we are waiting until we are ready.  Admittedly this is a stall tactic because as most parents will probably confess, you are never really ready, no matter how much you try to prepare.  Knowing this does not make it easier for the undecided to decide. 

On top of all the unanswerable questions, I have little to no experience with babies.  I don't know how to hold a baby, how to change a diaper, how to give a bottle, you know, all the big stuff that comes into play when trying to keep a tiny human alive.  It is just not in my realm of expertise.  But I know there's this thing called maternal instinct, so does that mean I'll just naturally pick up all these skills somehow.....sort of like osmosis?    

And yet there are moments when I find myself imagining the upstairs office as a nursery, when I can see myself rocking a little bundle of a baby to sleep in a rocking chair, or feeding baby food to a squirmy little creature sitting up in a high chair.  I can see these things and I feel a flutter of excitement.  Because as I keep telling those who ask, I do want to have kids.....someday. 

And when someday turns into today, we'll be sure and let you know.