Today is my birthday. I woke up this morning with a tiny little knot of excitement in my stomach, because sometimes those lingerings from childhood just don't go away. Even though my day was going to be spent at work rather than out in my backyard having a pool party and opening presents, I still felt those tiny little butterflies fluttering because today marked the day I was born, and no matter how old we get I think there's always going to be something exciting about that.
Today I am 28. That's quite a number. I remember being in high school and thinking that turning 21 would probably never happen, and now I have exceeded that milestone by seven years. For some reason I used to be under the impression that everything I was ever going to do in my life, whether it be writing, traveling, moving to a new city, having kids, that all these things should be done and needed to happen in my 20's. I had a mental roadblock for age 30 and beyond, like once I hit that age I was just going to evaporate into thin air because obviously life is over once you are no longer have the number "2" in front of your age.
Now that I'm only two short years away from 30, I'm amending that way of thinking.
Even though I haven't done a lot of the things I still would like to do with my life, I have definitely been keeping myself busy on becoming the person I want to be. I've gone through some pretty drastic character changes since college, and with each year that passes I feel like I'm making progress on being the person I know I can and want to be, on doing the things I know I can and want to do, and making time for the people in my life who matter and who I truly want to be with.
As I get older I find that I'm less inclined to play those games where I hide or pretend away certain things about myself because they might not be popular or accepted by others. Frankly, that whole scene is a bit tiring, and at this point in my life I figure people can either take me or leave me. I've also come around to accepting the idea that I'm not always going to be able to please everyone, or make everyone happy. My job has helped me to realize this in more ways than one, but the sentiment also applies to my personal life as well. I like making people happy, I like being able to lend a helping hand, but sometimes no matter what you do there's going to be someone left with a frown on their face. It's a hard thing for us bleeding hearts out there to accept, but once you do it really helps to ease your stress level.
To tie back in with my "must do everything before I turn 30" hysterics, I'm not sure what put that idea in my head or why I was ever under the impression that every good and wonderful thing in my life had to happen right here, right now, and all at once. I guess it's just my multi-tasking personality in yet another outlandish form. I am no longer in a rush to check things off my every-expanding bucket list, and in fact I would rather have some space between all the good stuff that I know has yet to happen in order to appreciate it more. That's the way it works, right?
These days I am starting to feel more like an adult. Not necessarily a grown-up, but I'm definitely out of that "fresh out of college, still kind feel and act like a student phase," and am moving on to a more mature, slightly adult version of myself. I'm very happy. Sometimes I forget that important tidbit as I waste time dwelling on my shortcomings, or on the things I want in my life that aren't there at the moment. But I am oh so very happy, and it feels good to sit back and embrace that happiness. The only thing that could possibly make me happier is if my grandparents were still alive, I still miss them all so much. Of course on the flip side, I have one kick ass team of guardian angels looking out for me, and there's a little piece of comfort to be taken from that viewpoint.
All in all I'm ready to embrace 28. I'm ready to continue on the road to 30.....40....50.....and beyond, and I'm excited to keep checking things off that bucket list. I'm looking forward to the day when my answer to the question, "What do you do for a living?" is, "I'm a writer," and I'm looking forward to one day living in the country again. I'm looking forward to many more trips with my family, many, many more wonderful years with my husband, and dog walks with my beagles for many years to come.
I'm ready, 28! Let's get started.
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