On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving doth approach in exactly two weeks.  The day when we do nothing but watch football, give thanks, stuff our face, and prepare our shopping lists for the madness of Black Friday.  This year marks a milestone in the history of Thanksgiving because it is officially mine and Dean's first year hosting the food-centered holiday in our home.  In my mind, this is something of a rite of passage to officially being an adult.  Hosting Thanksgiving dinner is no small task, at least it isn't in my mind.  Considering this is the biggest food holiday of the year, and considering I've never made a Thanksgiving meal before, let's just say I'm kind of feeling the pressure. 

Here's the thing.  I actually enjoy cooking, and I think it's something I'm getting better at.  I am not afraid to try new things, but I'm also not one for long, drawn out recipes.  I like to get things done quickly, and while multitasking is usually one of my strong suits, sometimes in the kitchen it's best if I only focus on one thing at a time.  The good news is that Dean and I have already made a practice turkey, because there was no way in hell I was going to have my first ever turkey be made on the day of Thanksgiving, and said practice turkey was DELICIOUS!  He was only eight pounds so it didn't take him too long to bake, but in my opinion we made one fantastic bird.  And we stuffed him....which was also a little piece of heaven.  So I'm not exactly nervous about the turkey, I'm more or less nervous about everything else that is included in the meal, and having everything be ready to serve at more or less the same time.  With one oven and not a lot of counter space this is something I'm starting to have nightmares about.  Oh, and then there's the fact that I don't have a lot of pie baking experience.....perhaps that is something I should practice this weekend?

All in all I keep telling myself everything will come together, and I'm going to try my best not to turn into a stress head. Instead, I just want to make my way through the day enjoying the company of my family and the wonderful smells that will be taking over my house.  I have ordered more place settings of our wedding china, including the matching gravy boat, I'm in the process of getting some nice new serving dishes, and I have been upgrading my fall decorations to reflect what I hope appears to be a sophisticated, simple feel.  I'm a firm believer in creating appropriate atmospheres, and have become slightly obsessed with decorating elements.....not that I can afford to go all out or anything. 

As I mentioned up above, the whole Thanksgiving thing just feels so adult.  All my life the major holidays have been spent at home on the farm, except for two Thanksgivings that were spent in Hawaii and New Mexico.  It still seems strange to me to think of having a holiday up here, because while this is my home, in my mind I still consider Touchet my "real home."  Apparently, even though I am an adult, I am still growing up bit by bit, and I see this Thanksgiving as another milestone on that journey. 

 

On drinking

Okay, first things first.  The election is over......finally!  Say goodbye to all the commercials, polls, speculative news stories, and updates on campaign stops.  The results are in and even though we have to listen to a lot of people bitch and moan about the results (I may abstain from Facebook for awhile just to avoid that scene), what's done is done and we can finally move on.  This is high on my list of what I'm thankful for as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. 

But on a slightly different note, I've been thinking off and on about drinking and how it plays a part in my life.  The author of a blog that I read on a fairly consistent basis, Aidan Donnelley Rowley of Ivy League Insecurities, has been blogging about her year without wine, and her posts got me thinking about my own drinking habits and what would happen (or not happen, maybe?) if I just.....stopped.   Drinking for me has always been mainly a social thing and a weekend thing, although there is the occasional beer or glass of wine after a particularly stressful work day.  One of the reasons I often abstain from drinking during the week is because, and this might sound lame, it makes me so darn tired!  Seriously, if I have a glass of wine (or two) at the end of the day, I am lucky if I can stay awake past  9 p.m.  It usually knocks me right out, probably because I was stressed and tired to begin with before the alcohol took effect.  Vicious cycle, am I right?

In college I was a pretty stellar drinker.  And I mean that in the sense that I was able to go out, drink, stay up late, and still be more or less functioning the next morning.  I rarely got sick, and even when I did my hangovers weren't all that terrible.  Fast forward about five years and this is no longer the case.  If I do one night of heavy partying these days I can pretty much write off the entire next day because I will be tired, grouchy, possibly nauseous, and feeling just all around awful.  In a nutshell: I can't bounce back nearly as quickly as I used to.  

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have to be drinking to have a good time, but regardless of that the fact remains that when I go out, when there is some kind of social gathering, alcohol is usually involved.  It isn't always an out and out rager, but drinks of some kind are almost always in the picture.  Going out, whether it be to a friend's house, to dinner with my husband, whatever the occasion might be, usually entails a drink.  And I almost always partake in the drinking because, well, it's fun, and because it can usually create a more festive environment. 

Except, of course, when it doesn't.  We've all been in that situation before when you're drinking with friends, everyone is laughing and having a blast, then in the blink of an eye people are yelling or getting confrontational, and it's hard to tell what exactly happened to get you from point A to point B.  Nothing can kill a good time quicker than something like this.  As a witness, I usually want the floor to just open up and swallow me whole, rather than risk getting dragged in to some pointless, drunken argument.  Ever see two people try to discuss politics when they're drunk?  I did that for about three hours one night and can honestly say I would rather go to the dentist every day for a week than sit through that again.  And I hate the dentist, just to put that statement in perspective. 

But this whole drinking thing isn't even just about being drunk.....at least not entirely.  I've noticed that lately I don't really feel the desire to drink because of the way it tends to makes me feel.  I'm less focused, I get headaches, I'm more inclined to eat bad food, and overall it just demotivates me, which is a feeling that I really hate.  It also causes me to sleep terribly, and I'll often wake up in the middle of the night multiple times with terrible cramps in my calves.  Again, this doesn't happen all the time, but is becoming more and more prevalent. 

Plus, and again, this might sound silly, I don't want alcohol to be a good time crutch.  I don't want to always have to depend on having a drink to have a good time, or feel like I'm having a good time.  I have become so much more aware of how my state of mind affects any given situation, and sometimes being social without that drink in my hand makes me feel, well, lacking.  We all love that liquid courage, right?

I don't pose these questions because I am against drinking, or because I feel like I'm an alcoholic, but this is the first time I've ever really thought about drinking and how it fits into my life, not to mention how it makes me feel on a whole.  And then that little thought creeps into my head......what would it be like to just stop?  To give up the weekend drinks and the occasional weeknight indulgences?  Would I even notice?  Would I even care?  Would I still be able to have a good time by simply not worrying about the fact that I didn't have a drink?  Even for as little as I drink, the thought of giving it up completely gives me some pause.  So much of my social life is connected in some way to drinking, it makes me wonder how the dynamic would change, and if I would even like it. 

So for the time being, no official proclamation, just some food for thought.  Is self-awareness something that comes with age?  If so I can't wait to see what I figure out next.  

Dogs vs. Kids

I make not secret about the fact that I love my dogs.  I'm slightly obsessed with them to be perfectly honest, and they more or less control my life.  Okay, that last line is a bit of an exaggeration but I'm sure you get the point.  I'm officially "one of those dog people", for better or worse.

The day we got our beagles just happened to be the day after I had my wisdom teeth removed.  I was in a lot of pain, nauseous, and while I was excited to take home two adorable puppies I was also kind of nervous (and nauseous....did I mention how god awful I felt?)  We had just moved into our house, were in the midst of planning our wedding, and had all new furniture that was of yet untouched by canine teeth.  Part of me thought we might be taking on too much, merging into unknown and expensive chaos. 

But then I saw the puppies.  There were so many of them, a whole litter of baby beagles running around, their ears flopping and their little legs carrying them across the lawn and out into the pasture.  My churning stomach forgotten, I soaked up the sight of all the little pups and instantly decided I wanted to adopt them all.  It was kind of hard to figure out where to look, considering all the dogs were running in completely opposite directions......except for one little beagle.  This particular puppy was perfectly content laying in the sunshine, totally docile and eager to be cuddled.  I knew instantly I was taking him home.  Our other beagle of choice was a bit more playful and energetic, but he wanted to play with us so we took that as a sign that the pairing was meant to be.  Initially we had planned on adopting a brother and a sister, but we weren't even thinking about gender once we saw all the pups.  It simply became a matter of who stole our hearts first.  

As it turns out, we picked out two pretty awesome dogs.  Frank and Chester are an endless source of entertainment, love, and adventure.  Even with the occasional beagle baying (which I think is beautiful), and the barking fits that sometimes ensue in the backyard, they are on the whole incredibly well behaved pups.  I often wonder.....did we just luck out and and happen to pick two of the best beagles in the litter, or did we actually play a large role in seeing that Frank and Chester became the dogs they are today?  Are we grooming ourselves for children by attempting to raise the perfect dogs?  I can't help but wonder at times if the way we raise our dogs is the way we will raise our children (this is obviously a very loose generalization as I would never expect my children to use the bathroom in the backyard).

Right now our dogs are essentially our children, and I am guilty most of the time of treating them like little humans as opposed to the four legged canines they really are.  These pups are spoiled rotten, but I like to think they have earned their spoiled status....to some degree anyway.  But in the back of my mind I can't help but wonder (worry?) if my dog owner tendencies will transfer over to when I have to attempt to raise a human child.

Think about it.  There's probably a lot of insight that comes from watching the way people are with their animals.  I've started observing myself and Dean on a more regular basis, and I feel like I have gotten a bit more insight into our future parenting styles.  For instance, I can already tell that Dean will be the disciplinarian.  He is much more inclined to be the "tough guy" if the dogs get in trouble for something.  Me on the other hand.....I might have a short outburst and make them go lay down on their pillow, then I'm over there a few minutes later apologizing and hoping that they still love me unconditionally.  It's rather pathetic.  Maybe if I don't end up having a kid with big, sad brown eyes and long floppy ears it will be easier to enforce discipline. 

We have high expectations of our pups.  Well, maybe not high, but normal ones.....which I guess could be considered high for some kinds of dogs.  You know, the usual ones like not to jump up on people, not to bark or act aggressively with other dogs, and basically to listen and obey us when we call their names.  After three and a half years of living with hound dogs, dogs with such an advanced sense of smell and tracking, dogs that are just naturally stubborn by nature, it's funny that we still expect some of these things. It's not uncommon for us to be out on a walk, strolling at a leisurely pace, then all of a sudden be off to the races with a couple of wild, barking hounds because they have picked up on a scent.  Usually when this happens I just go with it and let their noses lead us where they may, but there is usually a bit of embarrassment that comes with these episodes.  I don't usually like to draw attention to myself but when I'm trying to control a beagle trying to run at 90 mph it's hard for people not to stare.....and it's even harder for me to pretend I'm not having trouble staying on my feet.  I'm doing my best to embrace these scent expeditions, but part of me can't help but wish there was a way to control these outbursts.  Of course, I've seen some doozies of public outbursts from little kids, and I have to say that I don't envy those parents one bit.  Compared to that, a barking beagle is easy sauce.  Which again leads me to wonder exactly how composed I will manage to be when the tables are turned and I'm the one with the screaming kid instead of the barking dog. I guess that will help put things in perspective.

Maybe it's a strange comparison to make, and maybe one has absolutely nothing to do with the other.  Sometimes I laugh at myself for being too protective over the dogs, for missing them when I'm away for only a night, or for taking picture after picture of them with my cell phone (because really, can you ever have too many dogs sleeping on the couch photos?)  But sometimes I stop and wonder if these traits are going to transfer over as our family starts to expand, if there is in fact a correlation between how we raise our pets and how we will raise our children.

Just some food for thought, perhaps one of these years I'll be able to post a follow-up with more or less accurate observations.  Until then, feel free to share with me your thoughts on this topic.      

Oh no he didn't!

There are many things to love about this time of year, in fact I posted something on that topic awhile back.  But if we are being Halloween specific, even though I own the DVD version, I still always look forward to watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" on or around Halloween night.  All of the holiday Peanuts shows are wonderful in their own right, and the Halloween show is massively entertaining.  Plus, it's a classic, and I'm always one to support the classics. 

Which is why I was a bit disheartened this morning to read the following article in which a father blogged about how children today should not be exposed to the Peanuts gang because the characters' constant teasing and name-calling towards Charlie Brown more or less constitutes bullying.  You can read the article for yourself here. 

Now, I'm not a parent, so I'm not sure my opinion holds much weight in this discussion (if in fact there really is a discussion and not just one person spouting off their opinion), but I think this is a bit far-fetched to be taken seriously.  I agree wholeheartedly that bullying of children is a very serious issue, even more so in today's world because of social networking sites, but I'm not sure trying to ban Charlie Brown and Snoopy from the airwaves is going to do much to confront the problem.  I agree that Charlie Brown is treated rather shabbily in most of the Peanuts cartoons, but he also doesn't conform to peer pressure, and does not let any naysayers sway him from doing what he thinks is right.  Charlie Brown is a survivor.  A fighter.  A child filled with perseverance and determination.  Those are admirable qualities that I know I would be proud for my children to have. 

Also, I think it's a bit unfair to call out the Peanuts gang like this.  Holiday special or no holiday special, there is hardly any programming out there aside from maybe Sesame Street where you can find zero conflict and zero examples of children (or adults) teasing each other and calling each other names.  I realize that just because everyone is doing it doesn't necessarily make it right, but to eliminate these sorts of things is just a tad naive and removed from reality.  Even family-centered shows like 7th Heaven and Full House would deal with controversial and unpopular topics from time to time because to ignore them completely is to ignore what real life is like.  All kids at some point are going to get called names.  All kids are going to go through feeling like a loser.  We've all been there and yes, it is most unfortunate and not the least bit enjoyable, but it's also not the end of the world, and neither is seeing it happen to cartoon characters.   As the author of the Today article pointed out, kids are not always going to be winners.  They aren't always going to be liked, and events in life are not always going to go their way.  They have to learn this one way or another, and in my opinion learning it through watching Charlie Brown is pretty darn mild.

I'm also more than a tab perturbed at the idea of censoring.  If John Milton were alive today he would be in fits.  Although I'm not sure Milton would be much of a TV watcher.....but I digress.  Again, I'm not a parent and maybe I will feel differently someday when I am, but I feel like political correctness and jumping through hoops to be as non-controversial and non-offensive as possible is turning us into a completely over-sensitive society.  If we are at the point where someone can take offense to Charlie Brown, then in my mind we have crossed over into dangerous territory.  If you look hard enough and twist words and meanings just the right way I suppose you can find offensiveness and fault with just about anything.  But why should we live in that kind of world, and better yet, who really wants to?  I realize this is just one blogger out of millions, voicing their opinion the way I am on here voicing mine, but to suggest that this cartoon should be taken off the airwaves when there are about a million other questionable shows on TV every single day seems, well, a bit extreme. 

Finally, here's some more than appropriate advice for the father who does not want to expose his children to the horror and inappropriateness that is Charlie Brown.  If you don't want your kids to see it, then don't watch it.  Let millions of other Americans partake in this classic cartoon and watch Linus and Sally wait for the Great Pumpkin, see Lucy run around throwing a fit because she bobbed for an apple and wound up kissing Snoopy, not to mention watch as Charlie Brown carries an exhausted Linus home from the pumpkin patch and tuck him into bed, because Linus fell asleep waiting for the Great Pumpkin.

Yea, I could see how kids would be scarred by these images.  

Practically perfect

This is the third time I have started writing this post.  It just won't do what I want it to do.  Kind of like my hair, but that's a battle I will probably never win.  This post....it will get written. 

Because I am a perfectionist I am rarely ever satisfied.  I manage to be content for awhile then decide it's time for a change, time to upgrade, time to do things different.  Due to my perfectionist nature, I am constantly running myself ragged trying to live up to my impossibly high standards in which I manage to do everything perfectly in every single facet of my life.  Part of me blames society and the notion that "having it all" is what we should strive for.  Society (and the Internet) tells me I can have the perfect home, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect job, the perfect body, the perfect husband, a perfect family, and a life full of travel and adventure, paid for, of course, by my perfect job. 

This does not help me to sleep better at night.  In fact, striving for all this perfection is what causes me to pass out from exhaustion on the couch every night.  Having it all and trying to BE it all can sometimes make a person feel less than whole.  For me, I just feel like I am always trying to play catch-up, always trying to add one more thing to the never-ending to-do list. 

It's silly, I know, but sometimes I feel pressure (mainly from myself) to take on all these role simultaneously and become a rock star at each and every one of them.  For instance, my OCD tendencies mean I am constantly cleaning house.  On my lunch break I am doing dishes, when I get home from work I am sorting mail and putting away laundry, on the weekends I am scrubbing floors and dusting furniture.  I have always placed a high importance on exercising, so I'm on the treadmill every morning at 5:30 a.m., and yet some days instead of feeling good about myself for running three miles, I'm feeling kind of lousy that I didn't do at least five. If I don't have a menu planned and food bought for the week I feel scattered, like I failed a test.  If I can't get through my to-do list at work by the end of the day I feel frustrated.  And with my writing.....well, let's just say that one is too big to get into in just a measly paragraph.

I stretch myself too thin a lot of the time.  I try to cram in too much, try to get too many things done as quickly as possible.  While at times this method works to my advantage, it usually leaves me feeling exhausted and sometimes frustrated.  When you take on a number of different roles sometimes there isn't enough room in one day for everything.  Something inevitably gets left out.  And once you make a habit of leaving things out, it gets easier to do it time and time again.

The truth is, I'm not perfect and I never will be.  I will never be able to do everything in my life to perfection, but every now and then I can definitely hit one out of the park.  I also need to rid myself of the mindset that life will truly begin once everything is "just right," because life is most definitely underway, and I'm right in the thick of things.  I feel like I need to work on adjusting my daily focus.  Maybe not try to take on everything each and every day, but take on one or two things then save the rest for later.  Maybe it's worth having a slightly messy house if it means I can devote an hour or two of my evenings to writing, or scrap booking, or finally finishing a book I've been working on for over a month.

I don't think I'll ever rid myself of the perfection mindset.  But I need to start allowing myself to focus that mindset in more specific terms.  I think this trait will definitely help me to succeed in various areas of my life, but only if I take on a little bit at a time instead of all at once.  I also need to stop feeling bad about all the things I feel like I should be doing, and instead embrace the ones I am doing, and more importantly WANT to be doing.

There may not be enough hours in the day for everything, but as long as I can find enough time in my life for all the important things, I guess that's what really matters.      

This really spoke to me.....

I know what you're thinking.  Two posts in one day??  What kind of parallel universe did I stumble upon now?

Believe it, kids.  I'm back for the second time in a matter of hours, although this isn't technically a full-on legitimate post, more of a spur of the moment, have to get this down on paper (computer screen?) while it's still fresh in my mind moment.

I checked in on a blog that I haven't read in months, and found this delightful post by Allison Winn Scotch.  It completely spoke to me and my state of mind right now.  A case of divine intervention?  Or just another happy accident in the world of blog hopping?  I can't say for certain, but I am so glad that I stumbled upon this post today as it has helped to shine some fresh perspective onto not just my writing situation but my life in general.  

I encourage you all to check out the post, titled "Fear of Fiction."  For all the writers and aspiring writers out there I have a feeling Scotch's checklist will definitely hit home.  For me, item #4 seemed to speak volumes.  Just sayin. 

Click here to read the post!  

Standing in place

Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction.  I love routine, I thrive on sticking to relatively the same schedule day in and day out.  I need to know in advance what the plan is, when and where things are happening, in order to adjust my schedule accordingly.  I'm a planner, and time that is unaccounted for can make me feel anxious and wasteful.  Yet on the other hand, I sometimes grow tired of routine and yearn for something new, a change of scenery, a break from the mundane and everyday.  Sometimes I want spontaneity.

Maybe we all go through periods like this.  Maybe we all fluctuate from one end of the spectrum to the other on a given day.  It's so easy to get used to your life the way it is, even if deep down there are elements you would like to change.  It's easy to fall into a routine with seemingly no end in sight, and it's even more common to be astounded at how long you can spend going through the same routine.  What's the saying?  Time flies when you're having fun?

Some days I feel like I'm standing still.  Like the people around me are embracing change, moving forward, taking strides towards new opportunities, and all the while I am here.  Still the same and not much changed. 

I don't feel like this is a bad thing, or that one has to constantly be experiencing huge life transformations in order to be seem as "really living," but sometimes I wonder if I grow too complacent, too accepting of the way things currently are to truly embrace a change in the road.  I often get the feeling that I'm sitting on the sidelines observing, rather than taking active participation in various aspects of life.  Maybe it's just a phase, maybe I over-think these things too much, but sometimes I look at myself and where I am with my life and I feel a kind of claustrophobia set in.  And then a single thought streams through my mind.....Is this how it will be forever?

Is life in general sometimes harder to accept with when there is no change in sight?  Do we need to possibility of change in order to keep up the motivation to get through the everyday?  It's possible.  I don't think it's a constant need but from time to time I think a change of pace suits us all. 

For me, I sometimes wonder (and I know this is going to sound awful) if I should be doing something different at this point in my life.  Should I still be working the same job?  Should I be thinking about having a baby?  Should I live somewhere else before establishing a life in one particular town?  What the hell should I be doing or consider doing before it's too late?

Awful isn't it?  It's awful because there is no right or wrong answer to those questions, because it's different for every person, and because there is no rule book that states I have to do any of those things by a certain point in order to have a fulfilled life.  Besides, as the old adage goes, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 

I hope I don't come of as giving the impression that I'm unhappy because I'm not.  I also hope I don't appear ungrateful for the wonderful things and people in my life, of which there are many.  I guess sometimes I worry that I'm missing out on.....something, even if I can't quite comprehend what that "something" is.  After a fairly long streak of familiarity it's hard not to wonder if things should continue the way they are, or if new elements should be added.  I realize this is all very vague and not very to the point, but that's kind of the aura that surrounds me right now.  I can't put my finger on what exactly is causing these restless feelings, only that they are there and beg to be reckoned with.

To stand in place or take a new turn?  That is the question.