On drinking

Okay, first things first.  The election is over......finally!  Say goodbye to all the commercials, polls, speculative news stories, and updates on campaign stops.  The results are in and even though we have to listen to a lot of people bitch and moan about the results (I may abstain from Facebook for awhile just to avoid that scene), what's done is done and we can finally move on.  This is high on my list of what I'm thankful for as we approach the Thanksgiving holiday. 

But on a slightly different note, I've been thinking off and on about drinking and how it plays a part in my life.  The author of a blog that I read on a fairly consistent basis, Aidan Donnelley Rowley of Ivy League Insecurities, has been blogging about her year without wine, and her posts got me thinking about my own drinking habits and what would happen (or not happen, maybe?) if I just.....stopped.   Drinking for me has always been mainly a social thing and a weekend thing, although there is the occasional beer or glass of wine after a particularly stressful work day.  One of the reasons I often abstain from drinking during the week is because, and this might sound lame, it makes me so darn tired!  Seriously, if I have a glass of wine (or two) at the end of the day, I am lucky if I can stay awake past  9 p.m.  It usually knocks me right out, probably because I was stressed and tired to begin with before the alcohol took effect.  Vicious cycle, am I right?

In college I was a pretty stellar drinker.  And I mean that in the sense that I was able to go out, drink, stay up late, and still be more or less functioning the next morning.  I rarely got sick, and even when I did my hangovers weren't all that terrible.  Fast forward about five years and this is no longer the case.  If I do one night of heavy partying these days I can pretty much write off the entire next day because I will be tired, grouchy, possibly nauseous, and feeling just all around awful.  In a nutshell: I can't bounce back nearly as quickly as I used to.  

I wouldn't go so far as to say that I have to be drinking to have a good time, but regardless of that the fact remains that when I go out, when there is some kind of social gathering, alcohol is usually involved.  It isn't always an out and out rager, but drinks of some kind are almost always in the picture.  Going out, whether it be to a friend's house, to dinner with my husband, whatever the occasion might be, usually entails a drink.  And I almost always partake in the drinking because, well, it's fun, and because it can usually create a more festive environment. 

Except, of course, when it doesn't.  We've all been in that situation before when you're drinking with friends, everyone is laughing and having a blast, then in the blink of an eye people are yelling or getting confrontational, and it's hard to tell what exactly happened to get you from point A to point B.  Nothing can kill a good time quicker than something like this.  As a witness, I usually want the floor to just open up and swallow me whole, rather than risk getting dragged in to some pointless, drunken argument.  Ever see two people try to discuss politics when they're drunk?  I did that for about three hours one night and can honestly say I would rather go to the dentist every day for a week than sit through that again.  And I hate the dentist, just to put that statement in perspective. 

But this whole drinking thing isn't even just about being drunk.....at least not entirely.  I've noticed that lately I don't really feel the desire to drink because of the way it tends to makes me feel.  I'm less focused, I get headaches, I'm more inclined to eat bad food, and overall it just demotivates me, which is a feeling that I really hate.  It also causes me to sleep terribly, and I'll often wake up in the middle of the night multiple times with terrible cramps in my calves.  Again, this doesn't happen all the time, but is becoming more and more prevalent. 

Plus, and again, this might sound silly, I don't want alcohol to be a good time crutch.  I don't want to always have to depend on having a drink to have a good time, or feel like I'm having a good time.  I have become so much more aware of how my state of mind affects any given situation, and sometimes being social without that drink in my hand makes me feel, well, lacking.  We all love that liquid courage, right?

I don't pose these questions because I am against drinking, or because I feel like I'm an alcoholic, but this is the first time I've ever really thought about drinking and how it fits into my life, not to mention how it makes me feel on a whole.  And then that little thought creeps into my head......what would it be like to just stop?  To give up the weekend drinks and the occasional weeknight indulgences?  Would I even notice?  Would I even care?  Would I still be able to have a good time by simply not worrying about the fact that I didn't have a drink?  Even for as little as I drink, the thought of giving it up completely gives me some pause.  So much of my social life is connected in some way to drinking, it makes me wonder how the dynamic would change, and if I would even like it. 

So for the time being, no official proclamation, just some food for thought.  Is self-awareness something that comes with age?  If so I can't wait to see what I figure out next.