On a new year

I know I'm a few days late, but welcome to 2012!  The start of a new year always makes me a bit giddy.  I get excited about hanging up a new calendar, seeing all the days yet to come, all the opportunity that lies ahead.  There's no reason not to feel this way at any other time during the year, but starting at the beginning of something just makes it all feel a bit more real. 

I haven't really made New Year's resolutions for a few years now.  Not because there isn't anything I aspire to change about myself, but because every year and during all the months throughout the year I am always trying to improve upon myself in some way.  But the start of a new year is also a good time to remind myself of those ongoing resolutions.....all those ideals I strive to incorporate.

Overall I am still trying to be a more forgiving person.  To be a more honest person.  And to be a less judgmental person.  I strive everyday to be the type of person that sees the good and the beauty in others, and to also identify those qualities in myself.  Sometimes I get too caught up in the little details that don't matter, and I lose sight of the big picture.  I hope in the year to come I can keep focus on the big picture and not worry about the little things that aren't going to matter a year or even a month from now.   

If I can accomplish all these things I'll be practically perfect, huh? 

It's kind of a running joke that most people abandon their New Year's resolutions by the end of January, some people even sooner than that.  This mostly applies to resolutions involving exercise, but I'm sure there are others that fall into that realm as well.  It's so easy, so refreshing to start the year off with a new outlook and a new routine.  Maybe that's part of the shine that January 1st evokes.  But it doesn't take long for that shine to wear off, does it?  It's a hard, hard thing to dedicate yourself to something for 365 straight days.

When our goals, our resolutions, are new it's exciting and challenging to think about tackling these new endeavors we set for ourselves.  But when certain things don't come to us as easy as we think they should, or when too much time goes by and we still aren't as far along as we want to be, sometimes we choose to take the easy way out and just....give up.  Then as more time goes by and another new year approaches we see another chance.  Another opportunity to try again. 

I'm not trying to be a downer.  I'm not trying to say that resolutions made at the beginning of a new year are a waste of time, or that they can't be accomplished.  I guess I'm just hoping that by addressing the new year's resolution phenomenon I myself can somehow avoid it. 

Ultimately it's up to us.  Whether or not we make our resolutions stick.  Sometimes I think that's where the letdown comes.  We say these things, these things about ourselves we want to change or improve, but then we don't take the actions, or enough actions, to make them happen.  

Determination.  Dedication.  Maybe I'll try to work on these qualities as well.

On exercise

There’s a great opening monologue in an episode of Seinfeld where Jerry is talking about working out and getting in shape.  Essentially, he surmises that everyone is working out and getting in shape simply to get through their workouts.  Aside from exercising itself, we really don’t have anything to get in shape for, so we’re sweating away at the gym simply to prepare for tomorrow’s workout.

The whole thing makes me laugh because, well, it’s true.  Once you graduate from the high school and/or college sports arena you really don’t have a whole lot of reasons to stay in shape.  Aside from all the health benefits associated with regular exercise, of course. 

I just find it somewhat ironic that if I unintentionally miss a day of exercise I fret and worry and generally feel bad.  And yet, I’m not training for a marathon, I’m not involved in any organized sports, and I don’t have to rely on my legs to get me to work each morning, so missing one day of working out probably isn’t the worst thing that could happen in my world. 

Part of it is psychological.  When I exercise I feel better, so by the simple law of mathematics the more I work out the better I feel.  But I also like to just “stay in shape.”  In shape for what, though?  For cruising the aisles at the grocery store?  For walking up and down the stairs at work?  What am I getting in shape for?  In reality it’s nothing.  I’m getting in shape simply for the sake of getting in shape, and while that is a great thing sometimes when I stop and think about it I just can’t help but laugh. 

I’m really not sure where I’m going with this one.  And maybe that’s okay.  Sometimes it’s good to linger on the path of rambling thought just to see where you might end up. 

I suppose on some level the whole exercise deal has been ingrained in me since I was little.  I played sports for god knows how many years and was essentially always “in season.”  Working out is just a part of my life.  And while it isn’t always something I enjoy doing or look forward to, I still feel better about myself when I step off the treadmill and start to catch my breath. 

It feels like an accomplishment.  And that is so important.  Because that means even on my worst day, when nothing is going right, I know that I can throw on my gym clothes, fire up the treadmill, and see just how far I can go.  Each day I can always go a little farther than the one before, and sometimes that’s all it takes to brighten up a dark day.

So maybe it’s not for nothing after all.

The spirit of the season

We are halfway through the month of December, and a mere 11 days away from what has (sadly) become the most commercialized holiday of all.....Christmas.  I for one have been relishing in the carols, the lights, the decorations, and the overall festive nature of the season.  I find it's almost hard to be in a bad mood with the sights, sounds, and smells of Christmas everywhere I go.  For instance, every night when I turn the corner onto my street it makes me smile to see our house aglow with lights, and baking cookies also is so much more enjoyable with Dean Martin crooning "White Christmas" in the background.  And what is it about that tree in the living room that makes me feel so peaceful?  

Yes, most of us out there are in full Christmas mode, which I imagine means different things to different people.  And while this time of year is wonderful for so many things, it also brings up a lot of things which can be not so wonderful as well. 

Since before Thanksgiving we have been bombarded by advertisements from all sorts of different media encouraging us to get out there and spend, spend, spend.  To make us feel better about all the spending, these advertisements don't neglect to remind us that we will also be saving, saving, saving.  Blowout sales, Black Friday, one-day-only sales, every day I get something in the mail related to shopping.  And I have done my fair share of shopping this month, in fact I still have more to do.  Because Christmas is after all the season of giving.  The problem for a lot of us is that we don't know when to stop giving, or we worry that if we don't give enough we will be looked down upon in some way.  Gifts for family, friends, coworkers, students, the list goes on and on and bill keeps getting higher and higher.  I'm not trying to discourage buying gifts for the people we care about, but this time of year it seems we are under so much pressure to give something to every person we have ever known in our entire lives.  To give or not to give becomes the ultimate question of the month. 

Then there's the guilt factor.  And not just the guilt that comes with forgetting to buy a gift for someone, but the guilt we feel about not being able to donate to all the much needed and much appreciated charities.  I know they say that every little bit helps, but after you have given a little bit to every toy drive, canned food drive, and donation box, that little bit has turned into a lot.  I for one am happy to give to these wonderful missions, in fact I wish I was better at doing it year-round, but sometimes it's just too much.  This is where the guilt kicks in.  Not enough that I lose sleep over it, but enough to drain me a little bit each time I leave a store without dropping something in the charity box. 

Believe me, I'm not trying to be down on Christmas.  There are so many wonderful things associated with this holiday and so many great traditions to share with family and loved ones.  I guess sometimes I get discouraged because, like so many people before me have stated, the true nature of the season gets lost and before we know it Christmas is over and we're not even really sure why we were celebrating in the first place.  Many times during this month I feel a bit like Charlie Brown, wondering if someone can please remind me what Christmas is all about.

So yes.  There are a lot of outside stresses that come along with Christmas.  Every year we strive to create that perfect holiday experience for ourselves and our families, to give the perfect gifts to those that we know and love, to create an arsenal of perfect memories.  But beyond perfection, I hope we all take some time for inward reflection.  Some time to remember the reason for the holiday.  No matter our differing religious views, we all understand the importance and the purpose of love in our lives.  Love for our friends, our families, and for those who might be less fortunate than us. 

If nothing else, take the time to appreciate the love.  It will last a lot longer than some of those presents sitting under the tree.

Feeling "on top of it"

I'm back again, boys and girls.  Tell me you missed me.  Tell me you couldn't live another day without an enlightening, stimulating, inspirational post from the endless bounty that is my mind.  Just tell me you are reading my words.....so I don't feel like I am wasting my time sending these sentences into the oblivion that is the world wide web. 

I was away for about 10 days, and did not return home until this past Sunday.  The hubby and I dropped the dogs off at the kennel (I was so very sad to leave them), drove to Seattle, and hopped a plane to the state of New Mexico where we spent many happy days with Dean's family.  The trip for me was a real treat because in all the years Dean and I have been together (nine years, to be exact), I have never really gotten to spend much time with his extended family.  Most of them I had met exactly two times before this trip.  Others I had only met at our wedding, and other still I was meeting for the first time.  So I saw this trip, as Paul Harvey would have said, as an opportunity for me to learn, "the rest of the story."

And you know what?  It was a blast. 

I feel so incredibly blessed because while I love my own family with all their little quirks and eccentricities, I also have a super terrific in-law family that I now feel I can say I really belong to.  I now fully feel that I am related to all these great people, and more than once throughout the busy week I felt that warm, fuzzy, happy all over feeling that I get during those particular memorable family moments.  I truly am a lucky girl. 

So.  Great trip, followed by a return trip to Seattle where Dean and I manned the gates at the pregame function before Apple Cup.  Was it difficult getting into work mode after a long trip?  You betcha.  Did everything go off without a hitch?  More or less.  At the end of the day we got to spend time with our best friends so it really wasn't all that bad. 

Now we get to the heart of the post.  We return home Sunday evening and immediately start unpacking, doing laundry, and decorating the house for Christmas.  Because really, I couldn't wait much longer to pull out the garland and the snowmen....not to mention all my adorable Peanuts decorations.  Flash forward to Thursday, which of course is today, and my house looks like a tornado has ripped right through.  I can't see the floor of our den due to all the dirty clothes piles that are still there, not to mention the overcrowded coffee table that is holding fall decorations that need to be put away, or the kitchen, living room, hell, all the floors in the house that are dirty, covered with dog hair, and in need of some serious TLC.  Friends, in my world this is what I call UTTER CHAOS! 

You know that feeling you get when coming home from vacation?  Like you are waking up from a dream and you feel like the world and everything about "real life" has been put on hold, only to find out that isn't the case and the world has basically continued spinning without you?  Yea.....that's been like my entire week.  I feel slightly frazzled, extremely tired, and every time I look around at all the piles in every room of my house I want to just run away.  I know I'm a huge drama queen, and honestly I am handling the disarray much better than I thought I would.  I can be so anal about things, I'm honestly surprised I didn't spend all of Sunday and Monday deep cleaning and organizing until the house shone like new again.  Instead I have been living in squalor all week, and haven't complained about it once!  Okay, maybe I have once....but not for very long.  

I think what is keeping me balanced is the fact that I know once Saturday morning rolls around I will be in house cleaning mode, and by late that afternoon order will once again be restored and I can breathe easy again.  Every time I go on a trip I am always amazed at the time it takes for me to once again feel on top of things, both mentally and physically.  Going on vacation is hard work, kids.  I seriously needed this entire week off just to recoup and get my bearings!  

I am just one of those people who needs order in their life.  In the evenings when I get home from work I know it would be very easy just to fling my clothes on the bed and not give them a second thought, but if I did that I would actually give them a second, third, and maybe even fourth thought.  I know that if I don't put those clothes away in my closet it will just.....bother me.  Same with making the bed in the morning.  Even if I'm running a few minutes late, I still talk myself into making the bed because it just looks so neat and put together.  And coming home at night and seeing that made bed just makes me feel a little more calm.  I could go on and on but I think you get the picture.  And you're probably shaking your head thinking I should be seeing a shrink to deal with my OCD.  Don't worry, I've thought that myself a time or two. 

So while I am proud of myself for my flexibility in dealing with a dirty, unorganized house all week (I haven't made the bed once), I don't think it's a habit I will be adopting on a permanent basis.  Order and cleanliness are two things that make me extremely happy, so until that changes I'm just going to keep on keeping on.  

Happy December everyone!  Are you counting down to Christmas yet?? 

Who are you?

I think an undisputed part of growing up is learning exactly who we are and being comfortable with ourselves.  For some of us this is probably a lifetime process.  Sometimes I will think back on my younger self and shake my head at the way I used to act, at the person I tried so hard to pretend I was.  I've pondered on this blog before about growing up, about change, about becoming the person you are supposed to be.  And yet I still don't quite understand a lot of things.  I still feel like I have a long way to go before I know for sure who exactly I'm supposed to be in life and what the hell it is I'm supposed to do. 

Do you often get the feeling that you are standing still, watching others around you evolve and change?  Is that really the way it happens, or is it simply too hard for us to recognize the changes in ourselves? 

If my life were a movie I feel like this is the point where I as the main character would take drastic action and leave everything behind, then set out on a whirlwind travel adventure where I would learn valuable life lessons and discover, finally, who I really am.  All in the span of two hours.  

But the thing is, this isn't a movie and I don't necessarily want to leave everything behind.  I feel that despite all the questions I have floating around in my head about almost every conceivable thing, I know enough about myself to realize what I want.....what's important to me.

My family.  My friends.  My home.  My writing.  

I think what is throwing me off right now is that I feel like I should still be searching.  I feel like I should want certain things or not want others.....and I don't know if I should already be so content.  

I'm not trying to say I have it all figured out.  But for once in my life I feel like I am ready and able to own my wants and convictions, which has never been an easy thing for me to do.  Maybe I'm not currently undergoing any major life changes.  Maybe I already have.  But I know the next step is to capitalize on the things I finally know to be true, and not keep searching for things I have already found.   

If you're a fish, keep swimming....

 

Every now and then I come across things that just speak to me.  I found the quote above during some Internet browsing and it instantly clicked for me.  The concept of the message is quite simple, yet I find it's oftentimes hard to put into practice. 

None of us are great at everything we try.  There are in fact some things we will never master or have much luck with.  And it is so often by these shortcomings and failings that we judge ourselves.....and others. 

Why do we so often find ourselves dwelling on our mediocre abilities?  Why is it sometimes so hard to focus on things we are not just good, but great at doing?  

I know I have asked these questions before, but I feel that this quote really puts it all into perspective.  If we are going to judge ourselves and others, why not focus on those qualities that make us.....geniuses.  In some way shape or form. 

Hello, fall

I've been absent from my blog for awhile, although my mind continues to think about potential posts almost every day.  This time of year, particularly this month, is always busy and try as I might I am never able to do all the things I wish I could.  Plans and projects get pushed to the back burner until finally I emerge from what feels like a fog of constant activity and finally find the time to slow down again.  

Time to slow down again.  Quite the concept, isn't it?

At some point during my leave of absence Mother Nature decided that it was officially time to switch over from summer to fall.  For awhile we were in a back and forth pattern, experiencing one very warm day followed by a couple cooler ones, but then one morning on my way to work I noticed the leaves of a particular tree were starting to turn red.  Then little by little more leaves decided to start turning vibrant shades of red, orange and yellow.  The days started growing shorter and shorter, and the mornings became even more dark.  You can smell fall.  It has a smokey undertone, a brisk overture of cool air and changing foliage.  You can feel the season as it creeps into being, and it attacks all your senses when it hits full force and decides to stay. 

As far as seasons go, fall is easily my second favorite.  There are times when I consider putting it at the top of my list, and if I didn't have a job where fall was the busiest work season then it might just be my favorite.  But when it comes to laid back and fancy free, summer has yet to be beat. 

But there are so many wonderful things about the fall, so many qualities that just get better and better.  So as a way of easing myself back into the blogging routine, I am going to share with you some of my favorite things about the fall season, that I am currently enjoying in full force. 

1. Meals in the Crock Pot.  While technically this ingenious kitchen device can be used year round, food in the crock pot always tastes the best in fall and winter.  Stew, chili, soups, there are endless opportunities for warm, delicious meals. 

2. Pumpkin spice lattes.  While the Starbucks original is hands down my favorite, I do also enjoy the pumpkin spice creamer that Coffeemate releases.  Yummy goodness first thing in the morning!

3. Egg nog.  Along the same lines as the lattes, egg nog is finally back on the supermarket shelves.  So very delicious it just screams fall (and also goes well in coffee).

4. Halloween.  As I proclaimed at this time last year, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (yes, I consider it a holiday) because I for one am a fan of all things that go "bump" in the night.  Spooky stories, movies, decorations, you name it.....I just can't get enough!

5. College Football.  Even though my beloved Cougars aren't in the top of any of the rankings, there's nothing like college football season.  Cougar Football Saturdays are like mini holidays in and of themselves.

6. Candles.  Again, there is no law that says candles cannot be lit year-round, but for me the beginning of fall is also the beginning of candle season.  Plus, they have the BEST scents out during the fall, so bring on the cinnamon, spice, and everything else that is reminiscent to being warm and toasty.

7. Scenery.  Let's face it, some seasons are just prettier than others.  Here on the Palouse we have some absolutely gorgeous days during the fall, and it is definitely one of the prettiest times of year for the area.  Every day on my way to work I just want to pull over my car and go jump in a pile of multi-colored leaves. 

8. Haunted Palouse.  An annual event that takes place in a neighboring town, it has become a favorite fall activity for my family.  You walk through old downtown buildings while community volunteers dressed in their Halloween best jump out and scare the daylights out of you.  Not to mention the haunted hayride where you get chased by a chainsaw wielding maniac.  Classic.

9. Colors.  Between the bushes, the leaves, the sunsets, everything just seems so vibrant in the fall.  The combinations of reds, browns, oranges, and yellows are simply stunning.

10. Sweaters.  While I do not enjoy being cold, I do enjoy warming up....especially in a cozy sweater.  This time of year I actually kind of enjoy perusing the "warm" side of my closet and bundling up against the chill in the air. 

Ahhhh.....fall.  Such a wonderful variety of things to enjoy.  Now wait and talk to me when there is 12 inches of snow piling up outside and I will be pining for the first signs of summer.  Such is the cruel reality of the changing seasons.