Not everyone is going to like you....

When I started writing for my college newspaper I learned something very important. 

Not everyone is going to like you. 

I remember opening up the paper one day and reading the first negative Letter to the Editor about one of my columns.  It was a pretty crushing experience, and all day long as I saw people strolling around with their newspapers I just knew that they had seen that letter, and even worse, that they knew it was about me and what I had written. 

This of course is most likely a gross exaggeration.....except for the crushing experience part.  I don't care who you are, criticism hurts.  Especially public criticism.  For me, seeing that letter and reading about how much they disliked my article made me feel no bigger than a grain of sand.  This of course is the risk one runs in having their words published.  Unfortunately, most people don't feel the need to chime in with positive accolades, but instead only want to send in feedback when they read something they ultimately dislike or don't agree with.  That's just the way it is, and over the years I came around to accepting this hard truth, even though those negative letters still touched a nerve.  Still do, by the way.

Not everyone is going to like you.

I'm not afraid to admit that I usually try to win people over and get them to like me.  I don't enjoy being disliked, and while I don't go out of my way to be everyone's best friend I do want people's overall view of me to be a positive one.  Don't we all more or less go that route?  

Many times I have expressed not caring what people think about me or the things I write.  I talk tough, but the truth is it only takes one comment, one bad letter to the editor, to make me feel like I don't know what the hell I'm talking about and why don't I just throw in the towel before even more people join in on the public bashing.  My mind has a way of taking an idea and running with it....things tend to spiral out of control sometimes.   And let's face it, sometimes it can be extremely difficult to stay sure of yourself when faced with an audience that isn't so sure of you.

Not everyone is going to like you.

So, what is the point?  Because as we learned in high school English one must always have a point, a main idea, a theme, you get the gist.  Whether it's writing, debating social issues, or even just your overall demeanor, not everyone out there is going to agree or like what you have to say.  Not everyone is going to sing your praises, and there are a lot of people out there who will try and make themselves feel better by tearing you down.  It's vicious, but it's true.  I constantly need to remind myself not to take things personally, not to internalize everything and make it into more than it really is.  I have a hard time accepting and facing criticism, but if I want to be a writer it's just something I'll have to get used to.  I know this, and yet I haven't quite adopted the tough exterior quite yet.  

Not everyone is going to like you. 

But that doesn't mean that others out there will follow suit.  It doesn't mean that all hope is lost, or that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.  Again, things I have to remind myself of all the time, and not just in regards to my writing.  I have never been the best at standing up for myself, of speaking my mind and believing in myself.  I can be easily intimidated and on more than one occasion have chosen to stay silent for fear of having my thoughts challenged.  I'm not proud of these admissions, but it's the truth.

Not everyone is going to like you. 

I realize that wanting to be a writer, fiction or otherwise, is going to require some toughening up on my part.  I can't be afraid of the general public, of negative feedback, of not being loved by everyone out there.  I also can't be afraid to stand behind my writing, my thoughts and ideas.  Because I am so averse to criticism I will often accept the negative that is pointed out by others and readily agree with it, rather than challenge them with an argument defending my work.

Not everyone is going to like you. 

But a few will.  Much better to focus on that truth.