Unnecessary guilt

I recently found myself in a situation where I asked an individual if they would like to go out for coffee, an invitation to which this other person promptly replied "Oh no, I don't drink coffee."

Okay, no big deal.  Not everyone does.  But the reply did not stop at a simple no.  Instead, this person had to elaborate further on all the reasons WHY they didn't drink coffee.  Again, not a big deal, everyone is entitled to an opinion.  But what I didn't appreciate was the way this explanation made me feel. 

Guilty. 

Because I for one DO like coffee.  And here I was listening to someone lay out reason after reason why coffee was bad, bad, bad.  Even worse, once this little tirade was completed I actually felt compelled to defend myself as a coffee drinker.  Suddenly I felt as if I were being exposed as a bad human being because I enjoy a caffeinated beverage first thing in the morning. 

This is just one example of many I can think of where I have felt unnecessary guilt.  I'm sure you know the kind.  Guilt that stems from something about yourself that another person doesn't agree with.  It's the most infuriating type of guilt because, quite frankly,  it's usually uncalled for. 

From an early age we are taught that we should feel comfortable in our own skin.  We should own our strengths and faults alike and not be ashamed or embarassed of how our traits, likes, and dislikes measure up to everyone else.  These are strong words, true and logical, and hard to put into practice.     

Because even though we are fully aware that we don't have to be like everyone else, as much as some say we should be, it's hard not to sometimes feel that urge to conform or hide certain things about ourselves to spare the reactions of others.  It's really an infuriating decision, but one that I know I am faced with time and time again.

Where does this guilt stem from, and why do we feel the need to defend ourselves against people who don't share our likes and dislikes?  Do we actually need solid reasoning in order to justify ourselves, or can we get by with "Just because" as a means of explanation?

I don't think this is something that happens overnight.  I think sometimes it can literally take a lifetime before we are completely comfortable with ourselves and don't feel the need to appear to be just like everyone else.

As for the guilt that will sometimes overcome us, I think in these cases practice makes perfect.  The only way we can truly be comfortable being ourselves, despite the mismatched opinions of others, is to practice being ourselves out in the open. 

What does this mean exactly?  Well, the next time I'm ordering lunch and the rest of the table chooses "just a salad," I think I will go ahead and get that plate of pasta whose description makes my mouth water.  

Sometimes practice can be a lot of fun.