Wishful Thinking

We just got new carpet installed in the downstairs of our house.  Last night after the installers left, we spent almost an hour walking around downstairs, sitting on the floor, and sinking our fingers into the lushness of brand new, thick carpet.  We talked about decorating ideas, and how much the new carpet really made a difference in sprucing up the rooms.  We were in utter bliss.

This morning I went downstairs and saw that my cat had peed on the new carpet.

Blissful feelings shattered.


Here's the thing.  We have been having issues with the cat wanting to pee on the carpet for about a month now (and yes, I'm taking her to the vet to rule out a UTI).  But the peeing problem is neither here nor there.  I had actually managed to convince myself that once the new carpet was in, once the old, nasty, no-good original carpet and pad were totally gone from the house, that things would return to normal and all would be be pretty and perfect because, well, why wouldn't they be? 

I have always been in the habit of convincing myself that the addition of something new, exciting, and positive in my life will somehow eliminate some of the negative.  I suppose in some cases this might be true, but at the same time I have a hard time reminding myself that just because something gets upgraded in my life (in my case, the carpet), it doesn't necessarily mean that everything will upgrade (as in my cat finally deciding to stop peeing on the carpet). 

It's very frustrating for me because I tend to base my thinkings with a lot of "if" "then" statements.  Using the same carpet scenario, I figured "If the old stinky carpet is gone, then the cat will use her litterbox all the time, not just part of the time."

False.

What is my point?  My point is that wishful thinking and/or wishful reasoning seldom ever works in the real world and in real situations.  What it usually does is trick us into believing something and allowing us to convince ourselves that everything will be better once a certain thing happens....which most of the time ends up being a complete falsity.

It's the same type of thing when you leave work on Friday afternoon.  All the problems and things you have to do magically disappear over the weekend, and you think to yourself how great everything is and how wonderful it is to have all this time on your hands.  It's almost as if the magical bliss of the weekend will erase all the to-do's of your working life. 

Then you go back on Monday.  There are still emails to respond to, phone calls to make, and deadlines to meet.  And yet somehow you can't help but remember how peaceful and great the weekend was and wonder how in the world things suddenly got so crazy.

I keep hoping that one of these days the addition of positive forces in my life will manage to cancel out everything negative.  I realize this is probably unproductive thinking, but it's hard to eliminate those hopeful desires completely.

I think this also ties in with our tendancies as humans (possibly even our laziness), to want for things to get done with little or no effort from ourselves.  We might not always admit this, but we all know it's true for everyone at some point.  I mean, how great is it to get something accomplished and crossed off the list without having to sacrifice any of our own time and energy to the project?

It's about the same as thinking if you avoid something long enough it will either go away or get resolved, when chances are it will only get worse.

What does all this mean?  Overall I suppose we (okay, "I") should come to grips with the fact that changing things in our lives, for better or for worse, usually requires some kind of action on our part.  Things will definitely not always magically appear or disappear just because we want them to, and the rule of a positive cancelling out a negative tends to be false reasoning.

Looks like my cat may be spending a lot more time outside.

Obligations of a relationship

It's a fact of life that sometimes we just have to do things we don't necessarily want to do.  Somewhere along these same lines is the notion that sometimes we feel forced to do things out of obligation.  This creates an interesting paradox in relationships, as I am starting to find out through the joys of married life.

When you're in a relationship, does any obligation on behalf of your spouse/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend automatically transfer over to you?

Right off the bat I am going to assume that for most women the answer is yes.  Women, I feel, are more inclined to want the couple aspect in most situations.  Let's face it ladies, we don't even like to go to the bathroom by ourselves.  

As a woman, I know that I am usually in the mindset that if I feel the need/obligation to attend a certain social function, I automatically expect my husband to attend with me.  In my mind that's just the way it goes.  That being said, I also expect this formula to work if the situation is reversed.  If my husband felt he had to attend something, I would go with him without putting up too much of a fight.

Is this way of thinking correct?  Is there a correct way to think about this?

I feel that being part of a couple is being able to balance the give and take.  You give something now, you get something back later.  I learned this as a little kid and while it has not always been an adage I particularly appreciate, it does make sense.  This is also just a part of growing up.  You don't always get what you want when you want it.  Instant gratification is a fleeting aspect of childhood that some people are reluctant to give up. 

I think another important aspect of this pondering is realizing what is important to your partner.  Anyone in a serious relationship should be familiar with the notion that sometimes you need to do things that make your partner happy.  Whether it's folding the laundry, going to a movie, or attending a work function, you do these things not because you want to, but because it will please someone else.  This in turn is supposed to bring happiness to you....kind of a cause and effect thing. 

I'm not saying that we should be slaves to our spouses and do every single little thing they ask of us.  I also don't think we should have to give up the independent aspects of our lives simply because we are in a relationship.  But I do think, at times, we need to accept the obligations of our relationships.  Which means that one will get dragged to the weddings of their spouses friends, to class reunions, and to sometimes ackward family functions with the other person's relatives.  When you commit yourself to another person, you commit yourselves to these things, too. 

There is a relationship learning curve when it comes to things like this, and even with continued practice it isn't always an easy concept to grasp.  I think the key is to keep practicing, to keep giving and taking, and to keep striving for mutual happiness. 

Just make sure you're not practicing by yourself. 

 

      

Home

It's been a week, and I am slowly transitioning from vacation mode back to the grind of everyday regular person life.  Dean and I spent a glorious week in New Orleans (well, actually the majority of it was in Mandeville, which is across the lake from the city, but hey, close enough).  We dined on seafood, lay by the pool for hours each day as the heat and humidity hung in the high 80's, took a swamp tour and watched our guide feed hot dogs to the alligators that swam up to our boat, and enjoyed spending time with Dean's family.  I never worried about what time it was because I had no appointments to keep, and I never worried about what day it was because my schedule was wide open.  I answered zero emails, finally managed to stay up past midnight, finally managed to sleep in past 7 a.m., and ditched working out and counting calories.  I have to say I felt much less neurotic, and yet somewhat out of sorts because I am so used to having a million things to do in any given day.

It's amazing how quickly you can get used to being in a new place, and how the longer you're there the more foreign and far-away home can really feel.  This concept of "home" can be forever changing in a person's life, as one moves from place to place, experiences new situations and makes brand new connections.  But for some of us, home really doesn't change. 

As Dean and I were driving back to Pullman, I took in the sight of the sun shining down on the endless acres of wheat fields, old barns with the Cougar logo prominently displayed on their fronts, and cows, sheep and horses roaming in pastures and pens.  

Sometimes the feeling of returning to a place can be even more sweet than the anticipation of leaving. 

That is the feeling of coming home.  

Coffe, Vacation, and N'awlins

I didn't have any coffee this morning, so now I am battling a mid-morning headache.  I am not one of those people who can drink coffee all day long, but in the morning it's definitely the first thing on my mind.  So my plan is to get in a good workout at lunch and then if I'm still feeling sleepy I will swing by Starbucks on the way back to work with an iced latte in my hands.  Just thinking about it brings a smile to my face.

That was totally NOT the overall subject of this post, but I felt the need to start off on an unrelated tangent.  Truth be told I don't really have a subject for this particular post.  I just felt the need to start typing.  Dean and I are leaving Saturday morning for New Orleans.  Bring on the catfish, the beignets, and the Hurricanes (most notably the ones at Pat O'Briens).  I love New Orleans.  I'm sure that statement has been uttered by a lot of people, but one more time can't hurt.  I have never been to a city like New Orleans before, and each time I go back I fall a little bit more in love with it.  Granted, since Dean's parents don't live directly in the city, but across the Causeway Bridge in Mandeville, I don't spend every waking moment of our time there wandering the streets of the Crescent City, but everything I've experienced thus far has been fabulous.

If you know me, you know I have a passion for history.  And you probably also know that I am a ghost story addict.  Well, when it comes to history and hauntings, New Orleans covers both areas to the extreme.  You know it's the most haunted city in America, right?  But ghosts aside, just the history of New Orleans alone is a remarkable tale.  While I canot recite every detail for you in chronological order, I have purchased several books on the topic and am utterly amazed at what has transpired through the years.  Of course, that isn't to say crazy things aren't still happening in the present day (just walk down Bourbon Street if you don't believe me), but the things people used to get away with are amazing.  

So for a week I will head south.  Chances are there won't be any blog posts in my absence, but I'm sure my three readers will be able to hold out a bit for my next riveting composition.  I'm looking forward to the time away.  While I will miss my dogs, I will not miss sitting at my desk at work for 8 hours a day, forever answering emails and phone calls, and thinking about how the weekend is so near yet so far away.  Vacations are such a blessing, if only for those few things. 
         

  

Charlie Brown and Snoopy for the Soul

December 14, 1999 was a sad day in the history of American cartoons.  It was on this day that Charles M. Schulz announced his retirement from producing the comic strip, "Peanuts," which ran for nearly 50 years without interruption.  If there is anyone out there who does not know about "Peanuts" please get in touch with me immediately and I will educate you on what is, in my opinion, one of the most influential comic strips in history.

I make it a point to read a "Peanuts" comic strip every single day.  For me, it's akin to taking an affirmation.  No mater how many times you see a panel showing Charlie Brown running to kick that football, or Linus trying to wrangle his blanket away from Snoopy, you just can't help but smile.  One thing that has always drawn me to the comic strip is the way the characters talk to each other.  I mean, here we have elementary school-aged characters talking to each other, for the most part, like adults, with one even posing as a psychiatrist.  I can remember reading the comic strip as a kid and being somewhat confused by some of the dialogue, then going back and re-reading the same panels years later and finally understanding what was going on. 

Schulz drew much of the inspiration for the main character, Charlie Brown, from his own life.  Both were shy and withdrawn, both had dogs as pets, both had a father that was a barber and a mother that was a housewife.  Even some of Charlie Brown's friends were based off of real people in Schulz's life.  However, I also like to think that Schulz created this character with the knowledge that each of us, at some point in our lives, have found ourselves feeling a bit like Charlie Brown, that loveable, balding child who never could seem to catch a break. 

The one thing that would bring Charlie Brown the most satisfaction in all the world would be to kick that football.  In the course of almost 50 years Charlie Brown must have tried to kick that football a million times, but never could quite reach his goal.  No matter what sweet promises Lucy made, she would always yank the ball away at the last minute, leaving poor Charlie Brown sprawled out flat on his back.  Some might see this as the true essence of Charlie Brown's gullible nature, but I think it is a prime example of his dedication and determination.  Nothing is going to sway this kid from kicking that football.  It doesn't matter how many times he might have failed in his past, each time Lucy lines up the ball a new opportunity presents itself, and Charlie Brown does not shy away from the challenge.  Even though (to my recollection) he never "kicked that football clear to the moon," he also never gave up.  We all have certain things in our life that we can't help wanting, or wanting to do, even though they might be terribly out of reach.  I think we could all take a lesson from Charlie Brown and keep going for those things....even if the majority of the time we end up flat on our backs. 

Frequent readers of the comic will attest that Charlie Brown is one of the most genuine, heartfelt characters around.  When asked to be the director of the Christmas play, Charlie Brown does not fall under the influence of his friends when they encourage him to fall into the commercial trap of Christmastime.  Instead, he wants to find out for himself the true meaning of the holiday, and make their Christmas play a true representation of the holiday.  Peer pressure is never an easy thing to endure, but time and again Charlie Brown stands as the lone man out, determined to do the right thing.  We could probably all stand to be more like that. 

Like the typical shy child, Charlie Brown constantly dreams of being the hero in any given situation, especially on the baseball field.  Whether it's trying to steal home, or strike out a batter, Charlie Brown definitely has delusions of grandeur in a lot of situations.  While we might not readily admit it, this is a common trait in all of us.  Don't we secretly always envision ourselves saving the day somehow?  Don't we sometimes crave for people to look at us with admiration because of something wonderful we did?  The slippery slope with these desires is that sometimes they might persuade us to compromise our standards or personal ethics.  You have to admire Charlie Brown's willingness to try and attain that hero status, but all on his own terms.  And probably one of the most endearing qualities about Charlie Brown?  He is a responsible pet owner.  Snoopy sure is a lucky beagle.  

I think a lot could be said about the entire Peanuts cast and the situations they have found themselves in over the years.  Schulz has given the American public a plethora of timeless characters that are relatable to children and adults of all ages, and the relevancy of his creations will never wane.  Charlie Brown will always be bald, always be the kid picked on by his friends, and will always be yearning for his chance with the Little Redhead Girl.  He may never get to be the hero he so desperately wants to be, but perhaps that is one of the reasons he is so appealing to us.  This is what makes him so much like you and me.  However, I can't help but wonder....what would life have been like if Charlie Brown finally got to kick that football clear to the moon?   

Rediscovering Grisham

Don't you ever get in the mood to read a really good book of fiction?  You know the kind, the mass market paperbacks that are sold in virtually every store from Barnes and Noble to Safeway.  Some people like to consider themselves literary snobs and shy away from "popular" fiction, but I for one get a healthy craving for it every now and then.  Which is why, a couple weeks ago, I finally picked up the worn paperback of John Grisham's "The Firm" my mom had given me years ago.

Oh my gosh....why did I wait so long to read this book?  I've ready Grisham before and found his work enjoyable, but I'm kicking myself for waiting so long to pick up "The Firm."  It was the perfect fast paced, action-packed story with plenty of mystery and thrilling narrative worked into the plot.  It's the kind of book that gets you excited to be reading, which was exactly what I needed considering the last book I tried to read was going nowhere and I had to give it up about halfway through.  Sad, right?  And trust me....I NEVER give up on books, but I had reached the point where enough was enough.

So here's the story at a glance.  Young lawyer Mitch is straight out of Harvard Law, and entertaining offers from various firms.  He is approached by a rather obscure firm and basically offered a ton of money, a new house, a new BMW, and to have all his student loans paid off.  He is guaranteed to become a millionaire in a matter of months.  So of course Mitch jumps at the opportunity, but quickly discovers that the firm he works for is a major coverup for one of the most notorious Mob families in existence.  When the FBI gets involved, things go from bad to worse and Mitch gets caught in a very dangerous game where almost everyone involved wants him eliminated.

Really addicting story, and really well written.  The pacing is superb and overall the entire prose is highly entertaining.  I was so impressed by the quality of "The Firm" that I am embarking on another Grisham novel, "Runaway Jury."  I'm kind of addicted now, two books in a row.  After Grisham I might move on to Tess Gerritsen, who has written some very good medical mystery novels.  I think I caught the mystery bug, so I plan to keep riding that wave until I become fixated on something else.  Next up:  I will share with you all my prospective summer reading list.  I'm sure you're on the edge of your seats.  Happy reading!

Breaking Mental Roadblocks

Last month I started a new short story.  I went down to my office, glass of wine in hand, (because what great storytellers ever managed to create without the assistance of alcohol?) prepared to write about who knows what, and the whole idea just kind of developed itself in a matter of minutes.  I was so thrilled because this seldom ever happens to me and I pumped out close to eight pages before deciding to call it a night.  Like I said, this was last month.

The story has been living in my mind ever since, and each day when I get home I remind myself that it's waiting for me down on my computer, but because I am a master procrastinator I manage to find other activities to distract me in the waning hours of my day.  I think it's typical for most of us to do things like this.  To make excuses for ourselves and ultimately convince ourselves that we're too busy to partake in certain activities that make us happy and might not ultimately be seen as being "productive."

I think that trying to place writing into either the category of "productive" or "waste of time" is kind of difficult.  Forced writing, such as the papers one has to write for class, are unavoidable and definitely a necessity.  But for a person like me who doesn't HAVE to write in order to pass a class or because someone is paying me to do so, it's not so easy to classify the type of writing I'm doing.  Sure, it's for pleasure and because one day I'm ultimately hoping someone likes what I write enough to want to pay me for it.....but for many people that day never comes and it very well could never happen to me.  I don't feel writing is a waste of time, but I do find that I put it smack dab at the bottom of my priorities list.

I'm big on lists.  To-do lists, shopping lists, movie lists, I could take anything and make a list out of it and be completely satisfied.  I even keep lists in my head of things that I need to take care of before I can move onto another activity.  For example, I might tell myself that I have to wash dishes before I sit down and watch a movie, stuff like that.  So before I let myself sit down at my desk to focus on writing I create this ridiculous laundry list of tasks I have to get through before I can do that.  It's ridiculous, really, because there is always going to be something to take care of, and all I am really doing is creating roadblocks to keep me from my computer and my story. 

I guess one could look at this as a form of self sabatoge.  And I don't even think it has to do with intentional sabatoge, but more in the way my mind works.  Most of us tend to think that work should come before play, so I guess it becomes a matter of forcing myself to reverse the order of the two.  I don't like to be a person who makes excuses for why something can't be done, and it discourages me that I've been allowing myself to fall into that trap.  Sometimes I think it's harder for us to maneuver around the obstacles we set for ourselves, rather than the ones put up by other people.