Hello, fall

I've been absent from my blog for awhile, although my mind continues to think about potential posts almost every day.  This time of year, particularly this month, is always busy and try as I might I am never able to do all the things I wish I could.  Plans and projects get pushed to the back burner until finally I emerge from what feels like a fog of constant activity and finally find the time to slow down again.  

Time to slow down again.  Quite the concept, isn't it?

At some point during my leave of absence Mother Nature decided that it was officially time to switch over from summer to fall.  For awhile we were in a back and forth pattern, experiencing one very warm day followed by a couple cooler ones, but then one morning on my way to work I noticed the leaves of a particular tree were starting to turn red.  Then little by little more leaves decided to start turning vibrant shades of red, orange and yellow.  The days started growing shorter and shorter, and the mornings became even more dark.  You can smell fall.  It has a smokey undertone, a brisk overture of cool air and changing foliage.  You can feel the season as it creeps into being, and it attacks all your senses when it hits full force and decides to stay. 

As far as seasons go, fall is easily my second favorite.  There are times when I consider putting it at the top of my list, and if I didn't have a job where fall was the busiest work season then it might just be my favorite.  But when it comes to laid back and fancy free, summer has yet to be beat. 

But there are so many wonderful things about the fall, so many qualities that just get better and better.  So as a way of easing myself back into the blogging routine, I am going to share with you some of my favorite things about the fall season, that I am currently enjoying in full force. 

1. Meals in the Crock Pot.  While technically this ingenious kitchen device can be used year round, food in the crock pot always tastes the best in fall and winter.  Stew, chili, soups, there are endless opportunities for warm, delicious meals. 

2. Pumpkin spice lattes.  While the Starbucks original is hands down my favorite, I do also enjoy the pumpkin spice creamer that Coffeemate releases.  Yummy goodness first thing in the morning!

3. Egg nog.  Along the same lines as the lattes, egg nog is finally back on the supermarket shelves.  So very delicious it just screams fall (and also goes well in coffee).

4. Halloween.  As I proclaimed at this time last year, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays (yes, I consider it a holiday) because I for one am a fan of all things that go "bump" in the night.  Spooky stories, movies, decorations, you name it.....I just can't get enough!

5. College Football.  Even though my beloved Cougars aren't in the top of any of the rankings, there's nothing like college football season.  Cougar Football Saturdays are like mini holidays in and of themselves.

6. Candles.  Again, there is no law that says candles cannot be lit year-round, but for me the beginning of fall is also the beginning of candle season.  Plus, they have the BEST scents out during the fall, so bring on the cinnamon, spice, and everything else that is reminiscent to being warm and toasty.

7. Scenery.  Let's face it, some seasons are just prettier than others.  Here on the Palouse we have some absolutely gorgeous days during the fall, and it is definitely one of the prettiest times of year for the area.  Every day on my way to work I just want to pull over my car and go jump in a pile of multi-colored leaves. 

8. Haunted Palouse.  An annual event that takes place in a neighboring town, it has become a favorite fall activity for my family.  You walk through old downtown buildings while community volunteers dressed in their Halloween best jump out and scare the daylights out of you.  Not to mention the haunted hayride where you get chased by a chainsaw wielding maniac.  Classic.

9. Colors.  Between the bushes, the leaves, the sunsets, everything just seems so vibrant in the fall.  The combinations of reds, browns, oranges, and yellows are simply stunning.

10. Sweaters.  While I do not enjoy being cold, I do enjoy warming up....especially in a cozy sweater.  This time of year I actually kind of enjoy perusing the "warm" side of my closet and bundling up against the chill in the air. 

Ahhhh.....fall.  Such a wonderful variety of things to enjoy.  Now wait and talk to me when there is 12 inches of snow piling up outside and I will be pining for the first signs of summer.  Such is the cruel reality of the changing seasons.

Blah

I wasn't going to blog about this because it makes me feel like a whiny little child.  But since I can't get it off my mind I'm going to do it and just face the judgment which will inevitably follow.  

I'm feeling a bit blah right now.  I'm not necessarily sad and depressed, but I'm just not excited about anything.  I'm trying so hard to bombard myself with positive thoughts and little doses of inspiration but it's not working.  I'm also being very hard on myself about things, and feeling bad about situations I don't have a lot of control over.  

I just want to shake myself back to normalcy.  I just want to snap out of this and feel happy with everything because life on all fronts is actually going very well.  You know those people who complain about every little thing just because they like to complain?  That's what I feel like right now.  I also in a way feel like I'm being ungrateful.  I mean, who feels like this when there is nothing inherently wrong?

I'm one of those people who tries really, really hard to avoid bad moods.  And most of the time I'm pretty good at it.  But right now none of my regular methods are working.  I just can't trick myself into a good mood right now and I think I'm just going to have to ride this out until I a) figure out what the real problem is, or b) just snap out of it. 

I've been know to over analyze, to think a situation to death and take things a bit too seriously.  Sometimes, yes, it is hard for me to just lighten up.  Is this one of those times?  Am I making something out of nothing?

I guess time will tell.  In the meantime, I can only hope that something comes along to excite and motivate me.  A new project I can tackle that will somehow bring me back from this feeling of.....blah.   

On newspapers

We recently canceled our newspaper subscription.  It was a mutual decision between my husband and I, and at the time we felt certain we were doing the right thing.  As of late it seemed that neither one of us had the time or energy at the end of the day to leaf through the stories, which meant that my recycling bin was filling up with newspapers that often never even got unrolled.  I found that I was going online to get my news from a variety of different sources which seemed to suit me better seeing as how I spent most of my day in front of the computer.  But perhaps our biggest reason for not renewing our subscription was that we were less than satisfied with the content of the newspaper.  It’s not that we weren’t getting the skinny on local happenings; we just felt we were missing out on everything that was happening in, well, the rest of the world.  And yes, I know that most all newspapers around the country are in dire straits at the moment so I have been trying to set realistic expectations for our small little paper that serves two communities.

And so.  We are going on week two of no newspaper and I think I’m ready to throw in the towel. 

You know how when you have something you’re more inclined to complain about it, but once it’s gone you can’t help but feel withdrawals and realize it wasn’t as bad as you thought?  That’s kind of what I’m going through right now.

The newspaper used to be a staple in the lives of almost all Americans.  You would read the newspaper in the morning as you sat eating breakfast, or at night when you got home from work.  It was your source for televised sporting events, movie listings, and job advertisements.  The newspaper was kind of a catch-all for American society.  And now?

We have the beast known as the Internet.  More and more people are going online for news because they are already online for entertainment purposes, so it’s like two birds with one stone.  Plus you can access so much more online.  The New York Times, The Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly (admit it, we’re not solely checking out legitimate news sites).  This is not a new trend, it’s been in the works for quite some time and if you are involved in any way with the newspaper business you know that for a lot of papers it’s do or die time. 

But I digress.  No more than five minutes after I got off the phone with someone at the paper telling them that, sadly, I wouldn’t be renewing my subscription at this time, I wanted to call them right back and say that I made a terrible mistake.  I didn’t mean what I said, of course I still want to get the paper!  What was I thinking?  They must have been talking to someone impersonating me. 

Because the truth is boys and girls, even with all my level-headed reasoning for deciding not to renew, I miss my newspaper.  I miss having it sitting there on my coffee table, the front headline emblazoned across the page, just waiting for me to pick it up and start reading.  I like being able to hold the newspaper in my hand, to see the words on the page, with no pop ups or extra links to click in order to get to the story.  On the days when I did find time to read the paper, I found the process of skimming the stories to be relaxing.  I even enjoyed the sound of the pages as I would turn them. 

Okay, enough with the sentimental garbage.  Maybe I’m going through some kind of twisted guilt thing since I used to write for my college newspaper and feel that my recent lack of newspaper support is somehow a mortal strike against my character, or maybe I’m just too old fashioned to be satisfied with online news.  I’m a purist at heart.  And even with the flaws, I’ve decided that I simply cannot live without the daily thump on my door alerting me that my newspaper has arrived.  (Actually, in all honesty, I could do without the thump because they deliver our paper at like, 5 a.m., and sometimes that thump is so loud I wake up in a panic thinking something or someone is trying to get into my house, and by the time I realize it’s just the paper I’m too wired to fall back asleep, so….yea.  A little less thumping would be appreciated).

What about you?  Do you think Americans are giving up on the daily newspaper or will print journalism continue to survive in the coming years and decades? 

Are you happy or content?

I have so many moments throughout my day where I just stop what I'm doing and try to decide if I'm happy.  Does anyone else do this?  Happiness is so fleeting, I will literally feel euphoric and on top of the world one minute, then no more than a few seconds later I'm feeling just....blah. 

I battle with myself a lot on the matter of happiness vs. contentedness.  I think these two feelings are definitely related, and definitely share some overlap.  I can't really decide if one feeling is better than the other, but I do think it's extremely easy to mistake feeling content with being truly happy.

Now I suppose you're going to tell me that I have to put a definition on these terms.  A most impossible task, I'm afraid, but I'll do the next best thing and ramble on about the two until I reach some kind of random, possibly off the mark point.  

I think most of us are pretty good at figuring out what makes us happy, at defining certain places and people that bring us the most joy.  On the same end of the spectrum it's also easy for us to figure out those things, people, places in life that don't make us happy.  

Yes, it's easy.  Except when it's not. 

I think sometimes we talk ourselves into happiness.  Whether it's with certain people or situations, we rationalize away all the warning flags and somehow convince ourselves that we are, in fact, happy.  But why do we feel the need to do this?  Why is it sometimes so hard for us to admit that happiness eludes us, and that something needs to change?

I think this is where contentedness comes in, which I categorize as the middle ground between happiness and unhappiness.  I think it stems largely from being comfortable with something or someone, and when you are more or less satisfied yet still experience moments of slight panic and yearn for instant escape and reprieve.  Okay, maybe that's a tad dramatic.  But you get my point, right?  Contentedness is okay for awhile....until it's not. 

I think that sometimes, at least for myself, it can be hard for us to break out of our content states because to do so means taking a bit of a risk.  And taking a risk is often a very scary thing.  We lose our security blankets, our sense of familiarity, and failure becomes a very real possibility.  Besides, who out there likes to fail?  How does that in any way lead us to be happier?

What I've come to discover is happiness is something that must be worked toward.  It doesn't just happen on its own and it takes a lot of our own mental energy to make the leap from content to happy.  I struggle a lot in my own life with deciphering between these two states, and even when I know I should make a change and take a chance to better my situation, it's sometimes very hard to take that leap.  I also did not mean to suggest by this post that I am inherently unhappy with my life, but I am working to evaluate things more and trying to force myself to take the steps necessary for some of the things I truly want.  


The picture which accompanies this post is also entirely appropriate because lets face it, dogs know a thing or two about happiness and life's simple pleasures.  Plus, whenever my two beagles do the head tilt similar to the one pictured above, those are moments that make me incredibly happy.

My love yet mostly hate relationship with my cell phone

I’m not even going to beat around the bush with this one, kids.  I’ve needed to get this out for a long time so I’m just going to go ahead and put it all out there in the open.

I hate my cell phone.

God, it feels good to write that.  It might also feel good to shout those words but I have neighbors and don’t want to tarnish the illusion of normalcy I have so tediously created for myself.  Of course, now that I have written those words and subsequently published them here in the blogosphere, I suppose I need to explain myself.  So pardon me while I stretch out on the imaginary psychiatrist’s couch in front of me and bear my soul about my love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with cellular telephones.

I’m not sure when it began.  I’m not sure how it began.  But I think the turning point was definitely around the time I purchased my iPhone.  To go on record officially, I did not want an iPhone.  I had no inherent desire to own an iPhone.  But standing there in the AT&T store I let myself fall under the persuasion of my husband and a fast-talking salesman.  I let myself be seduced by a touch screen and instant compatibility to iTunes, email, and “apps.”  I cannot tell you the memory capacity of my iPhone or any detailed, specific information most technologically educated people would rely on when making the decision to buy a product.  Hell, I just recently learned how to look up a phone number while on the line with someone else.  That’s about as advanced I can get. 

So, let’s move this story along.  I get the new phone and okay, it’s kind of cool.  I mess around with downloading some apps, I connect it to my email account, I surf the web faster than I can on my overloaded laptop, and I think that maybe this phone is one of the greatest things I have ever owned.  With the passing of time I soon come to the realization that this phone isn’t the greatest thing I have ever owned and has in fact ruined any chance I ever had of being able to disconnect.  I realized that apps such as Drinking Games, Mike Tyson Main Event, and Calorie Calc really didn’t do much to better my life (by the way, two of those apps came from my husband’s phone.  I’ll let you guess which ones), and in fact the app I used the most on my phone was the free version of solitaire I downloaded on the very first day.  Also, as time goes by I realize that my hatred does not extend merely to the smart phones, but to all cell phones throughout the four corners of the earth.  But back to the disconnect statement….what does that even mean?  I’ll tell you what it means.  It means that I have now become an absolute FREAK about checking email on my phone.  Sometimes I’ll do it several times in the course of ten minutes.  It’s not even a conscious choice anymore, I just do it whenever I happen to be in the vicinity of my phone and not because I care if I have new email, not because I feel like writing an email, no, I check simply because of the fact that I CAN.  With the swift touch of my pointer finger I am instantly connected to my inbox.  It’s so convenient, so effortless, and really helps me stay efficient and on top of things.  Yea, okay, except for the fact that I don’t want to be checking work email at 10 p.m. on a Wednesday night.  Yet when I see that number “1” staring back at me from the bottom of my screen I am almost powerless to resist the urge to see, to just peek, at who is the sender of the note.  This is infuriating behavior and yet I feel powerless to stop. 

My next rant can be applied to all cell phones.  I am an equal opportunity insulter of all phones, all shapes and sizes.  And believe me, I feel like such an old person when I say this….but texting for the most part drives me nuts (as I typed that last sentence my little sister sent me a text....man I love her).  Most people describe texting as quick and instant communication.  I call it the longest most drawn out way to have a conversation with someone.  Plus, people can choose to ignore text messages for hours, days even, without any kind of reply.  At least when you are talking on the phone or in person it’s usually a quicker response time.  Texting also forces you to split your concentration for an unknown amount of time.  You could potentially be attempting to carry out a verbal conversation with someone while intermittently taking breaks to respond to a conversation you are having via text.  Kind of an exhausting process, and kind of super annoying for the person who has to watch you text. 

I think the thing that bothers me the most about cell phones is that, hypothetically, they make us accessible to everyone at all times.  And I know this has benefits, such as if you are being chased by a crazy axe murderer all you have to do is pull out your nifty little cell phone and presto!  Help is on the way!  This is comforting and probably could have saved the lives of many doomed characters in those campy horror movies I love so much.  But herein lays the ultimate question.  How accessible do we really want to be?  Why do we feel the need to be connected to so many channels and so many people at all times throughout the day?  I will admit, I feel lost when I don’t have my cell phone tucked away in my purse or, more often than not, clutched in my hand and ready to be used in a moments notice.  I resent that lost feeling I have when my phone isn’t with me and hate that I am so committed to this one device.

So what is one to do?  Is there a happy medium that exists between staying technologically current and blissfully unconnected?

Maybe this is about more than cell phones.  At the root of it all the emails, the texting, the apps, and all the other fantastic features of the modern cell phone are nothing more than distractions.  I personally am coming around to the idea that when it comes to a cell phone, less is oftentimes more.  And by less I mean less of my personal time wasted on simply playing with my phone.  Therefore, I am on a mini cell phone strike until the day when my cell phone can clean the house, walk the dogs and fold my never-ending pile of laundry.  But really, who am I kidding.  They probably have an app for that.

Vacations and book reviews

I am back after a minor hiatus.  After some much needed time at the Oregon Coast admiring the beauty of the Pacific Ocean and walking the beagles for miles and miles along the shore, I am back in the swing of everyday life.  Am I happy or sad about this?  The jury is still out.  Let’s just say the return to normalcy was inevitable so I have no choice but to suck it up and start fantasizing about the next vacation.

One of the great and wonderful things about vacation is that you have all this time on your hands to do pretty much whatever you want.  Before leaving on this trip my family and I made all these plans about what we wanted to do at the coast, what sites we wanted to visit, how we wanted to spend our days.  But when we got there we kind of realized the one thing we really wanted to do was lie out on the sand, stare at the water, drink beer, and read.  Okay, mainly it was me and my mom who did the reading, but everyone else still had a fabulous time watching us.  I had recently been going through a reading slump.  I could only read for a few minutes at a time, couldn’t get into the subject matter, and just was overall restless with the act of reading itself.  This is highly unusual for me, so I was hoping it was just a phase which, thankfully, it was.

At the ocean I immersed myself in a truly remarkable, fascinating, all-around marvelous story by Laura Hillenbrand.  The title of the book is “Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption.”  If you keep up at all with the New York Times Bestseller lists you have more than likely run across this title a time or two.  The book follows the life of Louis Zamperini, a record-setting Olympic runner who joins the Army during World War II.  During a mission, Louie’s plane is shot down and he and two other soldiers are lost at sea for an astounding 30-something days before they are captured by the Japanese and sent to a POW camp.  This however is only the beginning of Louie’s trials.  He is a prisoner for the entirety of the war, moving around from camp to camp, forced into slave labor, and beaten severely almost every day.  It’s an understatement to say that the man went through hell and back, and the fact that he survived it all and eventually made his way home truly does boggle the mind. 

I won’t get into the nitty gritty details of the book too much for really there is far too much to cover.  In its entirety the story of this man’s life, of his will to survive, is something I have never come across before in my history as a reader.  Reading about Louie, about the situations he faces and the awful things he has to go through, feels like reading about a fictional character.  It is extremely hard to wrap your mind around the abject cruelty and menace that was directed toward these American POWs.  I could feel myself shaking my head as I read and exclaiming out loud during particularly incredulous passages.  However, due to the superb writing and research done for this book I also felt instantly connected to Louie as a person, as the main character of this story.  I could feel his determination radiating from the pages, his hurt and anger manifesting through the seemingly never-ending days of being a prisoner.  I found myself silently cheering him on as I got deeper into the story, and cried like a small child when he finally made it home and got to hug his mother again.  Let’s face it; stories like this are inevitable going to be an emotional roller coaster and I did my best to prepare for that going into the first chapter.  But I did not expect to be so amazed, so in awe, of this one human being and the different courses his life took.  The writing is superb and even if you aren’t a WWII buff you will have no trouble following the events and keeping track of what is going on. 

This book was exactly what I needed to break me out of my slump and it is hands down the best book I have read this year.  I was so sad to reach the last page and have my brief glimpse into this man’s life come to an end.  I sound a bit like a stalker, don’t I?  Well, I challenge everyone out there to read this book and come away feeling any different.  I completely and totally recommend this book to, well, everyone!  Please read it, tell me what you think, and we can gush about it together.  Go, fellow bookworms, go forth and read!       

On painting

The art of painting is in the preparation.  Have you ever had to paint something?  A wall, a door, window trim, no matter what the job the true work is in the preparation.  You can’t just open up a can of paint, dip in your brush and get to work.  No, there are steps to be followed in order to make sure the job is done right.

First you fill the holes.  Once the holes are filled you sand down the rough spots, until you are working with a perfectly smooth canvas.  After you have sanded your area you wipe everything down with a wet cloth, removing the dust and grime and exposing a clean surface.  When everything is clean and ready to go, you tape along the edges and around anything you wish to protect.  This is one of the most important steps in your preparation, and should be done slowly and with great care.  Once the surface is clean and smooth, once the edges are taped and protected, the easy part of the project begins, and that is lathering on the paint. 

Of course, painting is the easy part.  It’s everything that comes before that takes the most time and requires the most attention to detail.  If you skip even one step or try to cut even the tiniest corner, it can make a noticeable difference on the final outcome of your project.  While this isn’t always entirely detrimental, it can take away a small piece of one’s self satisfaction.

I feel through the course of our lives we are always undergoing painting projects, and not just on walls, windows and doors, but on ourselves.  We are constantly filling holes, working hard to eliminate our rough patches, and yearning always to wipe the slate clean and start again, fresh and new.  We get tired of the person we are and think, maybe I’ll try being something different.  Someone different.  Someone more colorful. 

So we slap on a new color to try out for awhile but it doesn’t always….fit.  Sometimes no matter how diligently you complete the prep work, the final outcome just isn’t what we wanted, what we expected.  Sometimes we are actually better off with what we started with.

I’m not sure if this rambling metaphor has a conclusion or a definite point.  But I will try in the least amount of words possible to sum up what I think I was trying to say.  Sound fair?

 We spend the majority of our lives prepping; for new careers, new haircuts, new houses, and new babies.  We spend so much time getting ready for all these major milestones in our lives, and then we spend even more time sanding them down to make them absolutely perfect, wiping them off so they always stay clean and new, then taping them off to protect and keep things just the way they are.  We do all these things, and it all takes so much time.  I’m wondering if our lives are just an endless series of painting projects, and I wonder if even after all the prepping are we ever really ready for what life has to throw at us.  On top of that, if we are keeping ourselves so busy with preparing, when do we finally get to start living?  Is living in the preparations, or can we actually skip all the tedious steps and get right to the heart of the matter?

I have never pretended to know the answers to any of the questions I pose, but I think at some point we have to just say enough is enough.  Sooner or later we need to just put down the sanding block, throw down the wet towel, and call it good with the painters tape.

At some point, we have to just pick up our brushes and finally start to paint.